(from a poem by Mary Oliver)In my quietness, I have many thoughts. My mind is not so quiet with all it's themes and theories and resolutions and strivings. It's like all the cords that go into the tv. Everything is plugged in but is completely entwined with each other. so in order to move the furniture around, you have to unplug everything, untangle them, and re-enter the whole system.
If last year was about outside forces, this year is definitely about from within. About understanding why I do the things i do. Looking way back to wounds that were inflicted so long ago, but still drive me in many ways. I think that the answers are within all of us. I have chosen very destructive and painful relationships my whole life. I am learning why I did that, and understanding that I can end it.
I have been pondering the concept of forgiveness. I realize that if I tell myself I need no one, then I never need to be forgiven. To be sorry and ask for forgiveness puts us in debt to one another. We need each other. I do not want to go through life and not know the beauty and surrender of needing another human being. Of deeming them worthy of my humility and vulnerability. Of deeming myself worhty of theirs. I now know that Love stops when you do not need. It brings you to your knees, to your place. Love is from the ground up.
