Blessed Unions and Whatnot

To begin, thank you. You know who you and who you're not. There are people in my life that simply love me and want to see Tracy and I happy. It is so encouraging to know that you truly have goodness in your hearts toward us. I hope with all my heart that you are blessed for this. We will now continue with what we've already been doing....loving each other and trying to make our kids' lives happy and full., being kind to one another, and watching sunsets.

I'll be honest. A marriage license doesn't change much. It's a notarized piece of paper that the state of Florida charges $92 to score. I am happy to have it because it will make my kids' lives easier, and Tracy and I can legally help one another more readily in an emergency. But other than that, it's nothing. Sorry.

 I'm not saying that Marriage is nothing. That is completely different. Marriage is a beautiful union and covenant that is perfect and sacred. I am just a little gray on how God sees the whole thing. He's not American.  I believe He is always seeing and weighing hearts. So as far as I'm concerned, Tracy and I were legit about a year ago. Weddings are cultural and full of tradition and I love them. But they are ours. Man's. Marriage belongs to God, and it has to do with souls and commitment and the integrity that affords me to promise to love and respect and completely cherish this man that I am smitten with.  And I will.

So to all, we are married. The State of Florida recognizes it, some religious people can see it, and we can file jointly. But you can't notarize my heart and mind. I am the happiest woman in the world. To each his or her own. I don't expect you to march to my beat. It would probably throw me off, because I am not very coordinated. Just do you and I'll do me as the song says.

 Joy, joy, joy!

A few pics from our wedding

Thank you to everyone who came.We had a great time. A special endless thanks to my dear friend Jenn, who took the pictures. She is wonderful and would not let me clip my hair. Kam was the crying video guy, and again, thank you so much. Johnny Mason provided the food in great fashion. We are loved and life is good.  More later, but I am a little busy.

Mr. and Mrs. Tracy Miller



Tracy and the boys (Cole, Rylee, and Ethan) Unfortunately, Austin was not there.

Chelsea, Andrew, Isabelle, Bradley, Honey, and Evan

Milestone. Pictures to come...

Today I get to become Karen Louque Miller. I have found and somehow wrangled a man who

Loves me.
Hates Chuck E. Cheese with the same passion as I.
Would prefer sitting around the house and drinking Crown all weekend.
Has character that people strive for but some never achieve.
Is hot.
Hates conformity as much as I do.
Makes me do things that I just don't do. (getting in cold water, dying my hair cheerfully, waking up at 4, changing my name, etc.)
Is hot.

I love this man. I only wish that I could somehow have more than a lifetime to be with him. Happy happy day.

Dear Daddy,

I'm pretty sure you are a follower of my blog, so...Happy Thanksgiving. I miss you. It's ironic that of all my family, I get to be seen mostly by you. At least that's what I believe. I may find out differently one day. But for now, I take comfort in the fact that you see my happiness.

What you can't see is my heart. It's very full. I cannot contain my love for my children and for Tracy. I am very happy. It's funny that people attribute traits to you now that I don't remember you having. I loved your imperfections. They made you larger than life and who you were down here. Bradley said it best when he asked someone to please stop speaking for you, because why would you be right? I loved it and I think you would, too.

Ok, I need to go. I just realized I forgot the cranberry sauce. I love you, Daddy. I wish you could swing by and pick up the kids and go to God knows where and they could experience that. I wish some things would never end.

Thankful

I am thankful for the fact that God is taking care of me in the most unorthodox ways. I like His style.

...for my Tracy Miller. He loves me enough to tell me I talk too loud and the people in Scotland don't need to hear me. I love this. He notices me and my dorkness. Tomorrow....

...for my perfect, and I mean that, children. They are funny and selfless and they appreciate me. Wow.

...for my sweet children that I am gaining. Austin, Rylee, and Ethan. More wonderful boys!

...for my boss, Johnny "King of Catering" Mason. I wish everybody could shoot the shit in the office with him. A treasure!

...for the Baton Rouge family. I am who I am because of where I came from.

...and for my amazing friends. Some are not of legal age yet, some are, but all are there for me. And I for them.

Happy Thanksgiving! I love today.

Get ready, get set

I think everybody just wants to be known or understood. To be looked at, seen, and liked.

 I do.

 I have never met a human being that did not enjoy being listened to. I need to listen more.

My days are very full. I am marrying my love. Hopefully lots of friends will come and celebrate with us. Tracy and I have families that live far away (Toronto and Baton Rouge) so we won't have them here. But our kids and great friends will be here. So, check back. I will post some pictures when the dust settles.

Life is mysterious and good and painful and joyful. I cannot describe it. It's too big.

What we say

I always tell my kids if you lay down, people will step over you. But if you keep scrambling, if you keep going, someone will always, always give you a hand. Always. But you gotta keep dancing, you gotta keep your feet moving.
Morgan Freeman


This makes me think about the things I tell my children. The nuggets of wisdom that I have tried and continue to try to instill into their hearts. I like Morgan Freeman's. I say things like:

There is always, always someone that can knock you on your behind.

I would rather you drink beer than diet drinks.

It's never ok for UF to win.

Please be kind to people in the cafeteria who have no one.

The world does not revolve around you. Or me.

Don't wake me up.

Dream it, and I'll drive you there.

I know there are more. I basically want my kids to know that they are not my property. Their hearts and minds are theirs to cultivate, protect, and understand. I have nurtured, guided, taught, corrected, and all that, but ultimately, they will think their own thoughts. I wouldn't want Karen clones. Yikes!

Just Geaux.

If you've never lived away from "home", you probably cannot imagine so many things. I love my family in Baton Rouge more than I can say. But, to quote a dear person from my past, where ever you go, there is always someone to love. Honestly, there are exceptional, great people in my life. I lived in Michigan and Florida and can say without a doubt, I have "family" in both places. Life is too short to be wasting your days wishing you were somewhere else. I have learned to love the people around me, and my life is full. No, it overflows.

People leave home for so many reasons. I know my kids will. I hope they do! I want them to live and see things and have it all. If they choose to stay in Keystone Heights, that's fine. But maybe they want to go to Seattle or NYC or England. I hope the sun is on their faces and the wind at their backs. We only get to do this once, from what I understand. It's my adventure and they get one, too. Love to all.

I have very busy exciting days ahead of me. Of course getting married is wonderful, but the real fun will be getting Tracy's house ready for us and the actual move. I can't wait. Honey and Isabelle will have their own little spaces, along with the boys. These are good times.

I am so loved and I know it by all the well wishes that people are sending to me. Thank you all so much. It is always an encouragement when people just say I love you. It means so much. I'll try to keep up with this in the coming days. I am a lucky girl.

Isabelle Marie

12 years ago, I had my 5th child. I can easily say it was my hardest pregnancy and most difficult birth. My sweet little Isabelle Marie. She was born at home during the day. She entered  the world sucking her two forefingers and twirling her hair. Quite painful. It was the only birth I literally begged Kandi for some tylenol.

I can remember the first time I heard her laugh the kind of laugh that comes from a baby's belly. She was in her little infant seat on the floor, and the boys had moved her to the end of the hall. They were taking turns running and jumping over her, and when they were in mid air above her, she would giggle. My Bellie.

She has had stitches twice in her face, and she broke her arm very badly when she was 3. My girl has always tried to keep up with the older kids. She has  always been the little one that could not win a fight, but she could destroy or hide your property. Poor Kameron. I still get sinking feelings when someone can't find their keys or phones or shoes or anything of value. She's a minx.

I love her spirit. I love that she is a happy, sweet little angel of a girl. No lie. She is a ray of sunshine. I love my girl. Happy Birthday, Isabelle. I love you with all my heart.

My life

So, Tracy and I are getting married. This cannot come as a shock to anyone who knows me. That being said, I cannot and will not call everyone I know and tell them of this perfect, wonderful news. I just don't have the time. I have told my children, my mother, and Tracy has done the same. The people that love us will be happy. The others, if they exist, don't make a difference.

We will tie this knot sometime soon in a very informal way. Just us and our kids. We will have a party after that to celebrate. Details will come soon. I love you all. Be happy for me.

Grade K

I remember my first day of kindergarten. It was 1970, and it had just become compulsory for children to go to kindergarten at all. So it was summer, and I was taking a crash course so I could start 1st grade (or as Tracy says, grade 1) on time.

I caught the bus and went to what is now Central Middle. We rode in and went straight to the cafeteria where we ate cereal in those little boxes that you poured the milk right in. Then we went in single file down the huge halls to our classroom. I remember a kid named Skeeter vividly. He was not ready to let go of his mother. He caused a fabulous scene. Screaming, crying, holding on to her legs. It was quite a show. I clearly remember not understanding what the big deal was.

I know now. I miss my mother all the time. I wonder if my kids will feel the same. Probably. Actually, I am the one holding on to their legs, I'm sure.

Some days I don't think I have what it takes to just conquer or at least face the obstacles and disappointments and unmet expectations that I grapple with. I remember a while back, probably over 10 tears ago, when we were getting ready to go somewhere with the kids. I was loading kids in the car, getting the stroller, packing all the stuff. And then it bit me. A spider. It really hurt. It sunk it's little fangs into my inner forearm. I started to swell, and then a streak went up my arm. It freaked me out. As the night wore on, everybody went to sleep,  I was up wigging at about 2 am. I just knew I would die. And then the thought occurred to me that I had been through too much ( forgive me) shit to be taken out by a bug. That was it. I went to bed.

I have to remind myself of that. I navigated my way through a completely dysfunctional childhood. I have given my heart to a couple of people that either handed it right back to me, or took it and tore it to shreds. I have been to the funerals of a boyfriend, each of my grandparents, my cousins, and my daddy. I have been abandoned by people in every way a person can be abandoned. I have sucked it up and had 5 childbirths with no drugs. And yes, mine hurt as badly as yours did. I have walked around like a corpse, eating and sleeping, trying to keep my kids' lives together. I have walked through all kinds of stuff. And here I am.

So bring on the next round. I know it's coming. I can feel it. I guess that's what life is. You're either coming out of hardship or going in to it. Either way, I can do it. I think.

Oh, by the way. I deactivated my facebook  for a  little while. I guess some of you may wonder where I have gone. I will be back soon so that I can keep up with you. Love to each of you.

small things

It is very nice to sit in my living room with all of my kids. This will end soon. I'm not ready, but I honestly would never be. They are just growing up. They are funny, smart, empathetic, and non conforming. I could not be more proud. I love their strengths and ache over their weaknesses.

I am filled up.

I had a great weekend. I spent it with Tracy, and nothing is ever better than that.

I have lots of things on my mind, but I just can't write them yet. I will though.

In the meantime, have a nice night. I will.

After the Newberry game

Evan and Chase

Chase, Reggie, moi, Ryan, and my boy!

Chase and Jenny Jenn, the reason I have pictures

I am so proud

Quickie

I can't wait until I can take care of all the people I love in one house! I run like a chicken with my head cut off, which means so much more this morning. Roux killed a chicken in my garage/dirty laundry. The perils of free range. There's a lesson there for me. I need to think.....Love to all.

The Hallow's Eve...more to come

Kam as I  think Cruise, Bradley as Snow, and Kenny a positve pregnancy test.





Ethan as Saw, Evan and Andrew as sweet litlle babies, Honey as a cute zombie, and Bellie as a ladybug. Yay!!!