O Canada

My favorite.

Chase and Evan before a game. Jenn and I are happy moms.

Wednesday

Here's to hoping that all is well with everyone. Looking toward the weekend. Here are some quotes from my favorite modern author, Anne Lamott.

"You can either practice being right or practice being kind."
— Anne Lamott


"You will lose someone you can’t live without,and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp."
— Anne Lamott



"I thought such awful thoughts that I cannot even say them out loud because they would make Jesus want to drink gin straight out of the cat dish."
— Anne Lamott

Andrew Raphael

Today my son Andrew turns 18. This weekend he celebrated with friends with a lot of bodies sleeping all over, some gumbo, and his favorite, pumpkin pie.

Andrew is my musician. He is gifted with the ability to pick up an instrument and just play. I remember when he was about 2 and I walked by the room he was in, and I heard the Star Spangled Banner being played perfectly on the Little Tykes piano. I said something like "How did you do that?" and he said he heard it on TV. That's how it has always been. These days he is kicking butt on the drums, and he is amazing.

Andrew is also somewhat of a non conformity kind of guy. (hmmm) He doesn't go with the crowd, and his friends are the funniest and most diverse group you can imagine. Lots of fun. I love my boy. He has always been my sweet spirit and still is. Happy Birthday to you, son. I love you with everything I think and do. You are the man.

WVL III

Maybe it's the cool air. The time of year. I am rounding the corner of when I saw him last. I miss my Daddy.

Wilson Vance Louque III. Born to Wilson and Margret. Brother to Joel and Holt. Husband, Daddy, Paw Paw, Uncle, friend. I have never laughed so much at a funeral. My Daddy truly spent his life mixing up the room.

Bradley and I were talking this morning about the fact that whether I would like it or not, if Daddy were here, there would be some serious repercussions for some. Never forget his pallbearer list. The blacked out name. I have some ideas, but...

I miss phone calls. I would like one right now. So much. I got one that day. That was it. I miss knowing that everyone is thoroughly cheered for, represented, advocated, taken care of, and defended. I miss the inappropriate jokes. I miss Mass in Spanish being put on tv just to bug Mama. The hunting stories (when he shot the nuts of that poor deer),the paranoia, even the routing. I miss having the Bigger Than Life element. My Daddy had real friends and enemies. But even the enemies tipped the hat. And at his funeral they got one more "kiss my ass". Perfection.

So what have I learned? Live big. Love hard and unconditionally. Be loyal, nasty loyal. Jump in the car and drive across the world loyal. No questions asked.
Laugh. Laugh at each other, but mainly at me.
Pray for your enemies. Even if it's a nod.
Don't get decapitated. There are a million ways.
Normal is overrated. Dysfunction builds character and is much more funny. Funny is good.

I love my Daddy. I miss him. Need him. Life is mysterious. I will trust God with this, too.

My life is very confusing sometimes. Well, maybe not confusing. Ok, a little confusing. Ya see?

There are some things that I know for sure, as Oprah would say. I know about my Faith, what I believe, and I try to walk that out. I know who I love, and I also know who loves me. That's a good one, because people will say they love you. I am not confused about that one.

I know that there is nothing more beautiful than a night sky full of stars. It is perfect. God is big.

I know that most people just want to be heard and understood a little bit. Everybody has something to say, and if you look into someones's eyes and listen, you'll hear it. It heals the speaker and the listener.

I know that my chocolate lab is really not thinking complex thoughts. She just wants food and affection and food. That is it.

I know that every moment has a joy, but sadness is always looming. I have seen this too many times to pretend it's not there. I just try to be prepared somewhat. I was having a happy day a while back, and Bradley said something like "be careful, Mom". I told him that I realize that while I am so happily dancing around, there is certainly a baseball bat swinging around from behind me about to take out my legs. I will just enjoy the moment until impact. (The bat hit the next day. It was a good swing.) Oh well.

I know that I will survive the divorce I am experiencing. I will. I have know idea what I will look like on the other side. Hopefully wiser and resolute. Maybe cuter somehow. I will work on that.

I know I love you, whoever you are, for reading about me. I am amazed that you do. It's a kind thing to regard me. I don't take it lightly. Thanks.

Love Sonnet XVII

by Pablo Neruda

I do not love you as if you were a salt rose, or topaz
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
So I love you because I know no other way
than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

I used to read the book The Runaway Bunny to to my kids when they were small. I loved it so much. It's about a little bunny that keeps creating ways and scenarios in which he could perhaps escape his mother. No matter what he comes up with, she always has a solution to bring him back to her. He is her little bunny. No matter what. She will become whatever she has to become in order to get him back.

I love my children. There is nothing that they or anyone can ever do to change or lessen that in any way. I love the idea of loving someone so much that you are willing to transform yourself for their benefit.

"Once there was a little bunny who wanted to run away.
So he said to his mother, “I am running away.”


“If you run away,” said his mother,
“I will run after you.
For you are my little bunny.”
“If you run after me,” said the little bunny,
“I will become a fish in a trout stream and I will swim away from you.”
“If you become a fish in a trout stream,” said his mother,
“I will become a fisherman and I will fish for you.”

I love my bunnies. I am just a small woman, but I will do anything or be anything for my children. Some days are dark, but it is very comforting to know and feel and see the tenacious love of a mother. I am some one's bunny as well. It is a good, good thing.

People are unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered. Love them anyway. If you do good, people may accuse you of selfish motives. Do good anyway. If you are successful, you may win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway. The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. -- Mother Teresa

My beautiful friend Donna Clyde posted this on facebook. I have certainly found that the reward is certainly in the "doing". Thank you, Donna.

Beautiful

I have to apologize, because my LSU flag is indeed safe somewhere after all. My sweet funny girls from Johnny's came in the night and stole it. I thought it could not be removed without cutting it, but they succeeded. So hats off to Billie Jean and Paige (aka the Blonde Dolla). They are definitely not ill spirited bumpkins. :)

It has been a nice weekend so far. I love a lot about my life these days. Lots to be thankful for. My kids are smart and funny, and I honestly love to be with them. Andrew has just co-written a song and part of it was actually inspired by something I wrote on here! I am so excited. The song is beautiful and I will try to figure out how to put it on here.