Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Monday, April 16, 2012
The Way
I watched a really good movie yesterday with my Tracy. It's called The Way. Evidently there is a path of 500 miles in Europe called the El Camino de Santiago. For centuries it has been a trail of pilgrimage for people for various reasons. It ends with the tomb of James the Apostle, and I don't know anything else. The movie was cool because the characters were all on the journey for different reasons. Like a very small Canterbury Tales. Nonetheless, it made me cry. Not the script. What moved me was the spirit.
I respect and am in awe of any man's attempt to know God. I am not one of those that hates religion because of the hypocrites. How can we be anything but hypocritical? We are human. If I want to see a hypocrite, the mirror is the best place. But I don't partake in the Institution of Church for my own reasons. I just don't like the "business" of it. I don't like that churches are run like any other franchise in America but with other adjectives that make everybody feel more churchy. I prefer to look at a sunset or a flower or a baby and see God. And worship Him. But that is just me. I appreciate the people that are doing their thing. Whether it is Baptist, Catholic, or Buddhist, I am impressed. It's the search and the effort that moves me. The beautiful idea that we can connect with God and that He wants to connect with us. It's why I dance and cry in church. I am touched in the deepest place in my heart. The cockles if you will.
And so I will go on today. I am searching and finding. I am seeing what I am and how base that is. And I am seeing the hope that I can be better. And sometimes I am better by just looking at something higher than I can be. It may be just another person's effort. A man walking on his knees to touch a landmark on a pilgrimage, an ornate ceremony in a huge cathedral that makes no sense, or throwing ashes in the ocean. It's good to have a soul.
I respect and am in awe of any man's attempt to know God. I am not one of those that hates religion because of the hypocrites. How can we be anything but hypocritical? We are human. If I want to see a hypocrite, the mirror is the best place. But I don't partake in the Institution of Church for my own reasons. I just don't like the "business" of it. I don't like that churches are run like any other franchise in America but with other adjectives that make everybody feel more churchy. I prefer to look at a sunset or a flower or a baby and see God. And worship Him. But that is just me. I appreciate the people that are doing their thing. Whether it is Baptist, Catholic, or Buddhist, I am impressed. It's the search and the effort that moves me. The beautiful idea that we can connect with God and that He wants to connect with us. It's why I dance and cry in church. I am touched in the deepest place in my heart. The cockles if you will.
And so I will go on today. I am searching and finding. I am seeing what I am and how base that is. And I am seeing the hope that I can be better. And sometimes I am better by just looking at something higher than I can be. It may be just another person's effort. A man walking on his knees to touch a landmark on a pilgrimage, an ornate ceremony in a huge cathedral that makes no sense, or throwing ashes in the ocean. It's good to have a soul.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
47. the perfect age.
Tomorrow I turn 47. There are a few things of note...
I am tired. I guess this is age. I am now understanding all those commercials that the people are lauding their products for the increased energy. I get it.
Tracy and I still love each other. I say this because marriage is hard and living apart is harder and living with me is hardest. So, love will hopefully conquer all.
I am signed up to go to massage therapy school next month. My dream of touching old people might be realized. I actually think I will be the one healed in some way by all this. I hope so. I need help.
Tracy and I bought a masticating juicer. The Omega 8006. I know it sounds like a vibrator, but it's better! We can chew up carrots and apples and drink juice and maybe get more energy.
You know how when you're driving on the interstate through blue skies, and you look ahead and the sky is black and ominous and you are going 80mph toward it? That is how I feel. I may have to pull over, I may get blown off the road, or it may just look bad up ahead. I have no idea. All I know is that it looks scary and exciting and I don't have time to think about whether or not I should drive into it. I'm on a road trip, damn it, and you don't stop. For anything.
I'm not cocky enough to say bring it, but almost. I'm humble enough to know that I can't talk like that to the universe. I'm not that much of a bad ass.
Happy Birthday to me. I'm not 16, so I won't get a Quaalude and a bag of pot. Nor will I have to kiss everybody I see at the fair. I am 47. I get to have a party with some of my favorite people, and I get to kiss my Hot Fudge Sundae. Nothing better than that.
I am tired. I guess this is age. I am now understanding all those commercials that the people are lauding their products for the increased energy. I get it.
Tracy and I still love each other. I say this because marriage is hard and living apart is harder and living with me is hardest. So, love will hopefully conquer all.
I am signed up to go to massage therapy school next month. My dream of touching old people might be realized. I actually think I will be the one healed in some way by all this. I hope so. I need help.
Tracy and I bought a masticating juicer. The Omega 8006. I know it sounds like a vibrator, but it's better! We can chew up carrots and apples and drink juice and maybe get more energy.
You know how when you're driving on the interstate through blue skies, and you look ahead and the sky is black and ominous and you are going 80mph toward it? That is how I feel. I may have to pull over, I may get blown off the road, or it may just look bad up ahead. I have no idea. All I know is that it looks scary and exciting and I don't have time to think about whether or not I should drive into it. I'm on a road trip, damn it, and you don't stop. For anything.
I'm not cocky enough to say bring it, but almost. I'm humble enough to know that I can't talk like that to the universe. I'm not that much of a bad ass.
Happy Birthday to me. I'm not 16, so I won't get a Quaalude and a bag of pot. Nor will I have to kiss everybody I see at the fair. I am 47. I get to have a party with some of my favorite people, and I get to kiss my Hot Fudge Sundae. Nothing better than that.
Monday, April 09, 2012
Monday, April 02, 2012
I got to make jambalaya with Chelsea today. I always think of my Grandmothers and my mom when I cook things like that. I always loved sitting at the bar and watching them cook. I learned so much. I tend to cook a lot when I am sad. It's theraputic.
This week my dear friend Mike "Mr. Piggy" Murphree died. He was one of those people that I could count on. A true friend. RIP Piggy. I always felt beautiful and special when I was with him. He was one of those people.
That's all.
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