There is a belief system that says that we all existed before entering this world. Supposedly, we were cognitive spirits, and we got to choose more or less the lessons that we would learn in this lifetime. To evolve us. To bring us closer to what God intends for us. I have even read that we kind of travel around with the same group. Through eternity. I have no idea if this is true or not. How can any of us really know? We have such limited scopes. I believe in the afterlife, but that's all I have. None of us know anything until we cross over. We can read sacred texts, pray, and dream. But nothing will be more solid until we see face to face, and not in this dim glass.
I look at my particular life and wonder, if the previous is true in any way, what was I thinking? I am pretty sure I thought a little too highly of myself in my pre-life. Kind of like getting on the biggest roller coaster and then realizing on the first ascent, oh shit. I think my group and I were a bit ambitious. Some have fallen by the wayside. I keep trying to drag those along with me. To my demise perhaps. But I am still here. Looking back and in the present, I try to see the recurring themes. These lessons that I am learning that I perhaps agreed to. These are a few...
1.There is nothing greater or stronger or more full of Light than Love. Giving love, having it to give, experiencing it, receiving it. It is the one great purpose. The reason we are here. It is the beginning and end of this road. The destination. If I can see all things through love, through this meaning and perspective, then I will stay on the narrow path.
2. People can be assholes. I can be an asshole. This is an astounding lesson of the universe. Learning to know my worth in the midst of being mistreated. Knowing how to forgive and knowing how to love the ones that are dishing it out. I am really trying to tell myself NOT to choose this one next go round. I need a break.
3. Food is wonderful. And sex. And music and laughter.
4. God does not give us gifts. He makes us the gifts. We are the actual gifts to each other. Just being who and what He created us to be is Light and medicine to the ones around us. We are a puzzle that is on the kitchen table, being worked on by all of us. Completely in the way, too hard, and way too big of a project for one person. We are not meant to do this alone. And when one of us falls or stops or closes up, we all feel the pain. It ripples through our atmosphere. I think perfection would be each of us being the unique creation that we are. No walls, just us.
5. Change is good. We never stop growing and becoming. I don't want to be this Karen 5 or 10 years from now. I want to be more open, peaceful, and understanding. I want to be the gift that I am supposed to be. And I want to remember that everybody else has their own set of lessons. Their own changes and agreements that they have to work through. I am not the center of the universe. (!!!)
I'm positive there are more lessons. More crap that I piled on in that cosmic meeting 49 years ago. But I like my traveling companions. A dream team! Seriously, look at my group! Puts my bar fight team to shame. Maybe I wasn't too ambitious. My biggest lesson today is that I am not lost. God sees me and is moving me along. I feel it. I know it. I am at my best when in a corner. I am strongest when I am down and almost out. My Light is the brightest in the darkest blackness. My power is in these times. Who knew? Maybe I did....
