Auld lang syne. 

For the old times.

This has been an extraordinary year. I bought a cool old house. I changed jobs. I overcame panic (so far). I faced death in my heart and drove toward it. I have given my children to God like never before. We haven't locked down once. My sweet little Alison came to us. Evan and Jessie got engaged and beat Covid the same week. I can go on and on. 

I am not afraid.  There is nothing that shows what we are made of like adversity. Here we are. I am better than I was yesterday, and next year will bring me closer to my truest self. 

My sweet bird sent this to me today:

Last Song of Your Life 

by Pink

If you had one song left inside your soul
What would you sing tonight?
If you had one chance left before we're old
The last song of your life
What is it you wait for? Tell me who you are
Not what you've rehearsed, all the other parts

It is of no interest at all to me
What you have or who you know
Can you tell me just where you have been?
And what you've learned from it all
Tell me what you dance for
How you've been a fool
I don't want the headlines, I just want the truth

It would be so good to see the real you again
It's been a long time, my friend
If this is the last song of your life
Then I'm inviting you to get it right

When you're authentic, you're incredible
I like the view behind your eyes
There was no one else who could break it down
And cut right through to the heart
I just wanna lie underneath this tree
While you whisper secrets on a melody

It would be so good to see the real you again
It's been a long time, my friend
If this is the last song of your life
Then I'm inviting you to get it right

Happiest New Year! 

To all the old times. 

All the lifetimes we have lived and the ones to come. I would gladly go do it all over again. And I will certainly feel that way about today. Let's live and love. This is our best time. 

April

So I will praise You on the mountain

And I will praise You when the mountain's in my way

You're the summit where my feet are

So I will praise You in the valleys all the same

No less God within the shadows

No less faithful when the night leads me astray

You're the heaven where my heart is

In the highlands and the heartache all the same

My birthday came and went quietly. Just a day. 

I'm 55. 

I look back and ahead. So many thoughts. Laughter, tears, loss, joy beyond description. There are people I have lost. I think of them often. Most, if not all, were not ready to leave. I don't mean they were in some spiritual peril. I just think they would have stayed given the choice. As I would. But today, like perhaps never before in our lifetime, we are all on the edge of sickness and maybe death. Some have crossed over. I wonder if they wanted to stay. Probably.

Someone that I love told me a few years back that I can't save everyone. That I need to stop trying. I know he meant to save me the trouble or the energy or something. So I shrunk back a little. But I actually believe I can save some people. Not their souls. Or even their lives. But maybe it saves me. Maybe it's all about the trying. So, I am declaring, I want to dream again of lifting you up. Whoever you are. I want to pour the rest of me out. 55 is a moment . I am just getting started. 

So let's put aside fear and hatred and opposition. When we pass, what do we want said about us? Or better, what do we want said now? I hope that it will be said that I loved fiercely and maybe too much. That I loved to laugh and eat and shine. That I showed up. 

God promised in Isaiah that he would not snuff out a flickering flame. I have held on to the wick with all my strength . And He has been faithful. My little light still burns and shines. 

I love you all . Let's not let these days go to waste . People have gone before they wanted to go. More will. Those of us that are able to stay, let's live. I intend to. No fear. Or maybe in great fear. Either way, I'm running to the battle. Or the party. Or wherever I am needed. This is our time. Let's do great things. 

God bless us.