I love fall more than spring. It's the football, the new cool snap in the air, the way the stars look all brilliant, the leaves that eventually will change, the decrease in humidity resulting in awesome hair, the change...the promise of change.
I am 47 as most of you know. I am changing. Growing. I actually can sense a renaissance on the horizon. I like horizons. I hope to never be "set in my ways." Maybe that is haughty or judgemental. I guess some ways are good to be set in. I just want to live in a way that makes everyday seem like a good sigh. Like I used my mind and thought some thoughts that were worth thinking. Like I looked at somebody and really saw them. Like I was seen. I have crossed over to the realm where sexy young models, while lovely, don't affect me. I don't need to buy sex in the form of shampoo or gum. I still want sexiness, but I think I have changed my definition. It definitely resides between the ears as I've heard it said. I get it. Please don't confuse sexy with sex. Sex is very good. Me likey.
I don't like getting old, but there is a thread, no a cord, of peace that is running through my heart. I am ok. I will be ok. I like it.
Today I have been with my Tracy Miller for 3 years. It feels like a lot more than that. Not because of some sort of suffering, but because I have loved him all my life. He is that for me, and whatever happens in the future, he is the one. He was the one I dreamed of in the form of little girl fantasies, and he will be the one that I look back on and think that I was lucky enough to love like that. It's all good and part of this tiny process of life. Happy Anniversary to the Hot Fudge. Nice to look at and crave, but better to taste.
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