I am waiting for my massage license these days. I am looking forward to this new beginning.
I think that the purest and best love is the kind you have in 8th grade. The rest is just disappointing. I am hoping that life opens up and shows me some truth, love, and at least a good time. I am coming out of a dark tunnel, but the light is definitely right there.
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Heart Guy
Once upon a time, there was a Super Hero. He was tall, chiseled, the most beautiful of all men. Do you understand? I am talking fucking gorgeous. Anyway, he was super. He was admired by so many. Young men wanted to be him, women just wanted him. And how could they not? Like all Heroes though, he had a flaw. A defect, if you will. You see, he had no heart. Not everyone knew this because on his anatomically correct unitard there was a red heart sewn on the front of his chest. He had seen that on TV. It suggested that underneath there was one. It was clever and fooled many. Most people want a heart to be there, so they will believe just about anything.
The problem with flaws is that they need compensation. They have to be dealt with. And so it was with our Hot Hero. Since he had no heart, the only way he could maintain his power was to consume the hearts of others. Yep. He ate them. It was a necessary evil since he had no intention of growing his own. That was too much work. And so it was....he would woo admirers close with his charm and SNATCH!! There went their hearts. He purposely chose people with big, juicy hearts. the ones that were unguarded and ripe. People that kind of deserved it in his mind. It was easier. And tasty. Until one day....
He met a woman. Well, she was a strange combination of a woman and a child, and he liked it. More importantly, she had the biggest heart he had ever seen. Her heart was so big that it hurt her to carry it around all day. She would often speak of it and that it was so full of love that surely it would overflow. But it never did. She would just think of people, and it would grow. And when she saw our Hero, well....KAPOW!! My normal heart hurts just thinking about it. All she could think of was how she could love this hero, and all he could see was that delicious heart.
This story does not end well. Yes, he ate her heart, but because it was so big, he got to feed on it for a long, long time. It was slow and painful for her, but he couldn't help himself and neither could she. Toward the end she would drive over to him and offer the tiny fragments of what was left. He would eat it, of course, but would waste it, leaving it to rot. A gluttonous scene, bloody and fleshy, he would eat only the middle part of the bite. So he ate each time she would offer it. And she kept giving except for one small seed she managed to keep hidden. Slowly she grew her heart back. It was never so big and so grand, but it would still ache with love. Even for the Hero. She could see him now. His unitard had holes, he was not quite so stunning. Her new heart could see through the lie. And so it goes.
The moral: People are not always like you. They do things for different reasons. Sometimes you will give and someone will be more than happy to just take. Keep loving. That is the answer.
The problem with flaws is that they need compensation. They have to be dealt with. And so it was with our Hot Hero. Since he had no heart, the only way he could maintain his power was to consume the hearts of others. Yep. He ate them. It was a necessary evil since he had no intention of growing his own. That was too much work. And so it was....he would woo admirers close with his charm and SNATCH!! There went their hearts. He purposely chose people with big, juicy hearts. the ones that were unguarded and ripe. People that kind of deserved it in his mind. It was easier. And tasty. Until one day....
He met a woman. Well, she was a strange combination of a woman and a child, and he liked it. More importantly, she had the biggest heart he had ever seen. Her heart was so big that it hurt her to carry it around all day. She would often speak of it and that it was so full of love that surely it would overflow. But it never did. She would just think of people, and it would grow. And when she saw our Hero, well....KAPOW!! My normal heart hurts just thinking about it. All she could think of was how she could love this hero, and all he could see was that delicious heart.
This story does not end well. Yes, he ate her heart, but because it was so big, he got to feed on it for a long, long time. It was slow and painful for her, but he couldn't help himself and neither could she. Toward the end she would drive over to him and offer the tiny fragments of what was left. He would eat it, of course, but would waste it, leaving it to rot. A gluttonous scene, bloody and fleshy, he would eat only the middle part of the bite. So he ate each time she would offer it. And she kept giving except for one small seed she managed to keep hidden. Slowly she grew her heart back. It was never so big and so grand, but it would still ache with love. Even for the Hero. She could see him now. His unitard had holes, he was not quite so stunning. Her new heart could see through the lie. And so it goes.
The moral: People are not always like you. They do things for different reasons. Sometimes you will give and someone will be more than happy to just take. Keep loving. That is the answer.
Sunday, November 18, 2012
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Gratitude
I am thankful for what is left of my mind. I am still sharp. I see things and have intuition. I can still tell when I am being lied to. (Lies try to hide, but they just can't help themselves. They are like children hiding behind the couch. It's no fun unless they are revealed. That's another blog.). I can write a clever story right now, or I can laugh with you, at you, and at myself. I know some shit.
Which brings me to my heart. I am thankful for that. It's been through the meat grinder, but like all matter, it still exists no matter the form. Solid, liquid, vapor, who cares? It's still here and beating and loving.
My kids. Well, they aren't kids. They are my family. My support, my reason. My joy. My tangible evidence that God sees me and likes me.
Johnny Mason. My friend for life. The King of Catering. The Elvis of Keystone. The George Baily of our time. A follower of this blog for some reason. A good, good soul. And behind the greatness...Valerie. These people are angels in my life.
My friends. The people that are in my universe. They float in my solar system, not around me like I would have it, but about me, here and there. They make life the awesome, whimsical, meaningful journey that it is. There are too many to name. I am in great company.
For Tracy. I have learned a lot about me with him and because of him.
The stars on cool nights. Football and gumbo. Pinot Noir. Sex. Music and beauty.
Thank You for life. I am talking to God now. I know it's hip to not believe in You, but I do. I believe the whole thing. You are my crutch. My non-intellectual faith in something I can't see or feel. You are my hope that this is not just for nothing. That eternity is not the freaky, too permanent thing that I imagine. You refuse to make sense to us. That's kind of funny. I have no idea why we are here, living here, doing this stuff. I don't get it, but I will continue to do it. I will try to learn today my lesson so I don't have to learn it the next day. I will try to be someone who trusts even though people are douches. I will try to live up to the heart in my chest that you have issued to me. I hope I am one of your good ones. Thanks again.
Monday, November 12, 2012
Today I will try to be satisfied with reality. Not what I want or think I need. Not what I never really had to begin with. Just what is in front of me. The truth. I want that. I will only see the things that are happening. Not what is said or what I wish so desperately. I just want to be honest and live in that. That's all.
My truth is that I am loved. I love a lot of people as well. I am afraid and kind of poor. I am sort of pretty sometimes, but I am getting old and that is fading. I am not as healthy as I want to be. I will be. I am sad but I can't live like that. I am different because of it. More holes in my heart.
I want to feel God looking at me again.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?
My truth is that I am loved. I love a lot of people as well. I am afraid and kind of poor. I am sort of pretty sometimes, but I am getting old and that is fading. I am not as healthy as I want to be. I will be. I am sad but I can't live like that. I am different because of it. More holes in my heart.
I want to feel God looking at me again.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?
Sunday, November 11, 2012
Finally
I graduated from Florida School of Massage and Magic on Friday. So relieved. Instead of trying to say something new and unique, I'll post my speech that I read at the ceremony. I could of course elaborate on each point, but you will get it. It's all about love, I am different, and the school and teachers are over the top. Loved it. I am lucky.
My name is Karen Miller. To all of the students, staff, instructors, and family and friends: Welcome to our graduation. As some here know, I am a mother of 5 people. That is not counting my stepchildren or the others that I consider to belong to me as well. There is a truth that I have claimed when it comes to parenting. Good people don’t happen by accident. They don’t spring up like wildflowers. Deliberate action and effort is required, much pondering and thought, and the ability to see each one as an individual human being with unique needs and minds. If they don’t get these things, they can still be wonderful. It will only be a more difficult road perhaps. At least I imagine that. So when I see these beliefs being implemented, I notice it and appreciate it. I see it here. At this school. From the first day of school until now, I have experienced the mapped out love and concern that I am talking about. I can try to describe it as deliberate spontaneity. Tolerant structure. Guided freedom. Uninhibited acceptance. I have been in awe of being in an atmosphere of unconditional love and space for six months.
I am ruined forever.
I will never settle for less again. It’s the fault of the instructors. They did this to me. You know who you are. And so it goes…we came to learn massage and not only learned it from probably the most lauded school in the country, but we also are changed. We are better I think. I won’t begin to try to name the names of our instructors. They are all amazing and if I forgot someone, it would haunt me forever. You will just have to trust me in saying that they are all in harmony of an excellent vision. I have been struck so many times at the over qualification and brilliancy of these people. They taught us so patiently and with expert ease. And we were so sleepy. But somehow we have retained the idea that we can change our own world. And we will. I imagine that we are all very grateful to all of you for the respect and forbearance and diligence with which you have taught us what you know. Similar to that kid on the movie the Sixth Sense, where he saw dead people, I now see crooked people. Everywhere. And not only do I want to touch them, I see your faces. I hope I can do justice to what you are and will continue to be. You are great examples. I love you all. Thank you with all my heart.
.
My name is Karen Miller. To all of the students, staff, instructors, and family and friends: Welcome to our graduation. As some here know, I am a mother of 5 people. That is not counting my stepchildren or the others that I consider to belong to me as well. There is a truth that I have claimed when it comes to parenting. Good people don’t happen by accident. They don’t spring up like wildflowers. Deliberate action and effort is required, much pondering and thought, and the ability to see each one as an individual human being with unique needs and minds. If they don’t get these things, they can still be wonderful. It will only be a more difficult road perhaps. At least I imagine that. So when I see these beliefs being implemented, I notice it and appreciate it. I see it here. At this school. From the first day of school until now, I have experienced the mapped out love and concern that I am talking about. I can try to describe it as deliberate spontaneity. Tolerant structure. Guided freedom. Uninhibited acceptance. I have been in awe of being in an atmosphere of unconditional love and space for six months.
I am ruined forever.
I will never settle for less again. It’s the fault of the instructors. They did this to me. You know who you are. And so it goes…we came to learn massage and not only learned it from probably the most lauded school in the country, but we also are changed. We are better I think. I won’t begin to try to name the names of our instructors. They are all amazing and if I forgot someone, it would haunt me forever. You will just have to trust me in saying that they are all in harmony of an excellent vision. I have been struck so many times at the over qualification and brilliancy of these people. They taught us so patiently and with expert ease. And we were so sleepy. But somehow we have retained the idea that we can change our own world. And we will. I imagine that we are all very grateful to all of you for the respect and forbearance and diligence with which you have taught us what you know. Similar to that kid on the movie the Sixth Sense, where he saw dead people, I now see crooked people. Everywhere. And not only do I want to touch them, I see your faces. I hope I can do justice to what you are and will continue to be. You are great examples. I love you all. Thank you with all my heart.
.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)