January Summer

Yesterday was a wonderful day. I started my day with coffee and the Canadian. Then Honey, Isabelle, and I went to Whole Foods and then to Jax Beach to visit our good friend Zak. It was a freak warm day in January, and we got to walk around on the beach with our white winter bodies in our bathing suits. If you know Zak, you know the conversation was lovely since he is a thinker and a searcher. We are not sure if we are really here at all, or if it's just a dream. I leaned heavily to the previous. I just really think I'm here since I would hopefully dream up more money and less sadness. And bigger boobs. And straighter hair. Also, one of my tests for all philosophical and religious beliefs is that it has to work for the mother in Africa with a starving child, and a homeless guy in New Orleans, a restaurant owner in China, and me. God's not American. (but He probably doesn't hate America either.)  But who knows? One of my favorite Anne Lamott quotes is "you have successfully created God in your own image when He hates all the same people you hate." Anyway....We ate Cuban subs at Angie's Grom, and then went to a farmer's market. I loved being with my girls and having even the money for gas to have a fun day with them. It is rare, and I loved it. I liked Neptune Beach a lot. This is reading like a "What I did last Summer?"

I am drinking coffee again and looking forward to another day. Roux is lying on a blanket on the floor next to me, and every now and then she sighs. I am comfortable with the thought that I am here, and that there is a design. I don't always know the pleasure or reasons behind my universe, but it's ok. My children never knew my reasons either. They just lived and learned and played. And they were so completely loved. That's how I think it is with God. I get very discouraged with life because I want certain things. Things that make me feel good. But they tend to depend on the actions of others. And that has kind of sucked in my little life. I know I am the constant in this thing, so I will try to break that cycle of being drawn to things that will let me down. It's very hard to change what I believe is chemistry. It's the actual cells that together form Karen. They seem to cry out for this crap. They want caffeine and unavailable love. I am hijacked by them, but I am hoping juicing will help. My cells are little bitches.

 But knowledge is power like Schoolhouse Rock taught me so many years ago. And a bill is just a bill sitting on Capitol Hill. And the function of a conjunction is hookin' up words and phrases and clauses. That is Truth!