I am so fortunate to have the pleasure and privilege of having so many young women as friends. (And young men. I am pretty sure Kameron and I were buds when he was not quite pubescent. And Zak.....) Anyway, it keeps me young, and I get to act as immature as I want. But regardless of my silliness, I actually do know some things. I share my thoughts on sex, feminism, and life all the time. But one thing I REALLY know is children. More specifically, how to get a human being from the breast to autonomy. (Book title) My kids are not perfect. But we do love each other, and somehow have an honest, real existence. They are not just like me, thank God, and they have begun to make fun of me in the Louque tradition. Bring it.
So here are some things for my sweet young moms/dads to think about. In no particular order.
Your child is not yours. He or she is a human that God or the universe (whatever you believe) has entrusted to your care. He/she is not your chance to live again, do it all differently, or worse, do it all the same. They are spirits housed in sacred temples needing love, food, shelter, and the ability and mandate to question everything. They are here for reasons that probably have nothing to do with you. (Where is Carole?)
These spirits are kind of stupid. They do things that are obviously mistakes. They do not lean toward knowledge and order. The Second Law of Thermodynamics. Untended, they will NOT become organized and orderly. They are gardens. They will most definitely be overtaken by weeds, insects, and other destructive and choking influences. And they will just let it happen. You/I have to constantly water, pull weeds BEFORE they have completely wrapped around the roots. The old nip in the bud. You have to make them sleep, bathe, and read. You have to force them to come out of their rooms and be a part of the family. You cannot be afraid of their disdain. They will come around, because they will get hungry. They will become whoever or whatever they are around the most when they are small. They conform like little pack creatures. You need to be the pack, the lead wolf. I promise, if you don't someone will. And that adorable little fool will run with them and howl at someone else's moon. This stuff happens when they are so young. It's why I homeschooled, which is another subject.
I believe that home is where you get to make some mistakes. Learn how to argue, to fight fair. There is that all important developmental place where they pull away and want to rebel and become who they are and not your mini me. I believe in stepping back and seeing what they've got in the logic department. It's usually not much at first, but if you let them be a little mouthy or a little angry, you might actually see them work through that crap and learn how to communicate. They might think it's ok to have feelings and all. I have seen some tragic examples of people that probably weren't afforded this luxury.
They are sexual beings. Like you. Don't demonize it. They discover early on that things tickle. It's not a sin. Calm down.
I have more. But I want to go clean my house. I love my kids with all my heart. I have made so many mistakes, but I swear I am willing to go to their therapy session and own whatever I did to screw it up for them. I guess that's the big one. Be able to say you are sorry. For real. In the end, that's all. We are all human and trying to love and be loved. I hope I am helping them.
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