My year in review
My name is Chelsea Harvey. I'm Andrew's wife.
I started my year off by quitting Johnnys, after working there almost 3 years, and going to work as a full time nanny for a one and a half year old girl. It was definitely a nice change of pace from a restaurant.
On February 9th wine nights began. These nights were our therapy. We all got the chance to express our selves without judgment. Some of the best nights of the year were spent at my dining room table in the early morning hours. There truly is healing in speaking your pain.
During July we moved into our current rental house, my nanny family moved, and I returned to Johnnys BBQ. This was also the same month that the service took place where Andrew was healed. The hardest part of Andrew's addiction for me was watching him suffer his own guilt. It did take some time for me to realize it was not about me in any way. I was and still am enough.
I faced my fears of both failure and success and decided to go to cosmetology school. I am so terribly afraid of messing up, I'd rather do nothing ever than anything wrong once. With a lot of guidance and support, I went. This was huge for me.
I met Jamie, a spiritual healer. She told me my spirit animals are whale and deer.
She also opened my crown and solar plexus chakras. Interestingly enough, the crown chakra represents our connection with our fathers, which becomes the model or our relationship with authority and ultimately, with God. It goes on to say that if there is separation with our fathers, the crown chakra is closed and a sense of isolation and aloneness is felt. Wow! When I read that I was like, of course that one's shut! So, when I was 5 years old, my father committed suicide. I didn't find out that was how he died until I was 16. I heard by my brother telling a friend's dad on the way to a birthday party. He thought I knew. That really killed the mood for laser tag. I didn't really know him at all. Add in the fact that my parents were separated and I only saw him every other weekend I've been told. Strangely, the only early memories I have are of him. Needless to say, I have felt great amounts of abandonment, sadness, and anger over the loss of my father and all the things I missed out on that can never be replaced. No dad to give me away or dance with me on my wedding day or to make a grandfather one day. My dad had his own issues, nothing related to me, that caused him to take his life. I believe that he is happy and whole now. I'll see him someday.
October 22, I celebrated 2 years of being happily married. While in school, I realized the hair and nail business was not what I was interested in. So I found out that I could get my facial specialist license much sooner, so I went for that.
Through prayer and meditation I successfully let go of my past and all pain and negativity associated with myself. I am not defined by my past. I choose to no longer view my self as a victim to my circumstances. I forgave the men who hurt me. What they did had nothing to do with me or my self-worth. Its strange how healing and self improvement can be so scary. I found comfort in my wounded person label. The thought of being whole, as good as it sounded, was new territory for me. I'm always waiting to be happy. I'll be happy when I'm skinnier, or married, or have more money or blah blah blah. Being present and happy in the now is what really counts. One of the best realizations I made this year was-
"Nothing outside of myself will make me happier than being at peace within myself. Self love = happiness"
So here's to 2013, the year of healing and the beginning of my journey to self acceptance.
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