I was thinking the other day about judgement and mercy and the ways I used to think. I look back and still feel like the same person, but I had some really misguided ideas at times. I can remember feeling very right in those moments. When I was a child I wanted to grow up and have lots of children and be a mom. I thought I'd cook and keep house and have a good marriage. When I was 16 I wanted to move to New York City. Dawn and I thought we could be prostitutes for a short while. To get on our feet and all. I still would love to move to NYC, but I'll wait tables or something. When I was a little older I abandoned my big city aspirations and returned to the idea of being a mom. I guess I fulfilled that one except for the happy marriage part.
I now believe that life is about love. Obviously, I could be wrong. I've shown that. But if life is about love, then it would make more sense than anything else. Maybe we are all evolving to the state of being able to live without fear and be able to experience giving and receiving love. I thought I had found that on this particular day a few years ago. But I was wrong. Again!
So today I am looking around me. I have been given a beautiful little person that needs me. Needs my love. And as life would have it, I need his love as well. Maybe more. And so I begin again, or keep going, or whatever the hell we do. I will never give up. My life is full of hope and sadness and laughter and love. I will keep trying to get it right. I'll keep trying to be happy. Especially today.
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