It's already the middle of January of 2010! I am doing ok and anticipating the closure that will come with my divorce being final. I will be glad to shut that door and rebuild my life with my kids and loved ones. I am not proud or happy about it. It's not what I set out to do, and certainly not what my children ever wanted or deserved. But here I am. I will always feel the guilt of knowing that the road to my freedom from sadness was straight through the hearts of my children. I never intended that. I would have died in every way before I did this to them. Life is so hard. I regret everthing and nothing at the same time.
On a lighter, more cheerful note: I love Tracy more than strawberries. More than the stars in the night sky and more than the silly things that I can say. (That last one is impressive to some.) I am amazed everyday at what a good man he is. A very good man. We have been together 4 months today. I don't get to see him much, but I talk to him everyday. He is beautiful inside and out.
I hope the days are shaping up well for you. We only get to do this once, so make it count.
I found you through blog surfing. I can relate. I went through a divorce when my kids were 6 and 8. I suppose I could say though that I did suspect it would happen. Our marriage was a train wreck from the beginning. Still, we managed to hang in there for 12 years. It was hard on our kids and on me. One of the hardest initial transitions was losing the title of being someone's wife. Suddenly I felt stripped and naked without that title. It does get better and the single motherhood thing can actually bond you with your children in new ways that you could not imagine. Now I'm remarried and life feels balanced again. Hang in there, it does get better!
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