I am trying to be a better person all the time. Sometimes, I see me through someone else's eyes, and that helps. Sort of. I am so driven to make everyone near me happy. To create happiness and good times. My biggest fear for over 20 years was to hurt my children, and hence, make them unhappy. I'm not talking about a little anxiety. I am talking about paralyzing, keep me awake, change myself however I have to- fear. Not sure what that's all about, but I think I still do it. I guess I'm conditioned like Pavlov's dog, but I just don't know what I'm getting from it.It does make me drool, though, when the bell rings. I know selfless is good. I just need to figure this out. That's what is happening in this mind today.
Meanwhile, I will love my September. The breezes, football, baking, my Tracy Miller, good hair, all of it. I enjoy my kids so much. I think I am looking ahead to my nest changing and not liking it. Damn.
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