spinning

My biggest fear, hands down, is significantly hurting my children. I'm not talking about day to day stuff. I'm talking about the kind of hurt that doesn't repair. The kind that changes you. I realize they will get this, but I find it hard to bear when it comes from me. Hence the 20 year marriage that carved chunks out of me.

I say that to emphasize how deeply my children affect me. I don't know how to compare myself to others, but I know I rank with the freaks.

I am now trying to cope or deal with or grasp the idea of my kids leaving home. I don't want them to. One is gone all of a sudden and one will be soon. In 3 months I have gotten married, moved, said good bye to a son (sort of) and am trying to blend a family. I am lost. Not to mention changing jobs. Does anybody know about this crap? I am inside out. Help.