Dear Bradley, Andrew, Evan, Honey, and Isabelle,
I once said that the road to my sanity, freedom, and well being tragically passed directly through your hearts. Not many people can understand this. I can honestly look to the sky at God and say I would have died before going that route. Death would be easier than walking around knowing that I broke things in you that cannot be fixed. But here we are. If anyone reading this knows me at all, you understand what I am saying.
I am glad to be alive. More glad to be with a man that is more than I could have hoped for. But I will never get used to the fractured strangeness of saying goodbye to you every week. I am just not good at it. I struggle with guilt and sadness and the constant heaviness of not being for you what I want to be. What I think you need me to be. But....the good part is....
You each know how much I love you. Not in the usual mommy way, but the freakish, obsessive, I will do anything way. I love you each with all my heart, and that is one of the many proofs that God exists. He doesn't get full use of my mouth, sadly, but He has all of my heart for you. It is an aching, perfect, wonderful, faithful love. I cannot put into words how it feels to see you. To see your gifts, all so different and so amazing. You are each worth every day that I get up. Every prayer I pray for you, and every bird I flip to the opposition. I hope I get to see all of you do whatever you want. I have a dream for each of you. A big one. And I believe that it will happen. I am just that blinded. I love you all. You are literaly my heart walkng around outside of my chest. How nice. How perfect.
Love, Karen
See the pyramids around the Nile
Watch the sun rise
From the tropic isle
Just remember darling
All the while
You belong to me
See the market place
In old Algiers
Send me photographs and souvenirs
Just remember
When a dream appears
You belong to me
And I'll be so alone without you
Maybe you'll be lonesome too
Fly the ocean
In a silver plane
See the jungle
When it's wet with rain
Just remember till
You're home again
You belong to me
Oh I'll be so alone without you
Maybe you'll be lonesome too
Fly the ocean
In a silver plane
See the jungle
When it's wet with rain
Just remember till
You're home again
You belong to me.
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