Maybe it's the cool air. The time of year. I am rounding the corner of when I saw him last. I miss my Daddy.
Wilson Vance Louque III. Born to Wilson and Margret. Brother to Joel and Holt. Husband, Daddy, Paw Paw, Uncle, friend. I have never laughed so much at a funeral. My Daddy truly spent his life mixing up the room.
Bradley and I were talking this morning about the fact that whether I would like it or not, if Daddy were here, there would be some serious repercussions for some. Never forget his pallbearer list. The blacked out name. I have some ideas, but...
I miss phone calls. I would like one right now. So much. I got one that day. That was it. I miss knowing that everyone is thoroughly cheered for, represented, advocated, taken care of, and defended. I miss the inappropriate jokes. I miss Mass in Spanish being put on tv just to bug Mama. The hunting stories (when he shot the nuts of that poor deer),the paranoia, even the routing. I miss having the Bigger Than Life element. My Daddy had real friends and enemies. But even the enemies tipped the hat. And at his funeral they got one more "kiss my ass". Perfection.
So what have I learned? Live big. Love hard and unconditionally. Be loyal, nasty loyal. Jump in the car and drive across the world loyal. No questions asked.
Laugh. Laugh at each other, but mainly at me.
Pray for your enemies. Even if it's a nod.
Don't get decapitated. There are a million ways.
Normal is overrated. Dysfunction builds character and is much more funny. Funny is good.
I love my Daddy. I miss him. Need him. Life is mysterious. I will trust God with this, too.
Sometimes I hear him... Sometimes I can almost feel his hand on the back of my neck. There to guide me or just push me on. His laugh, sense of humor... that sick laugh that I can almost hear when my world gets quiet. I miss him, still love him, wish I could be back in that parking lot the last time I saw him...Will never stop crying for him...Want to be more like him, well sometimes. Change of seasons makes my heart heavy. I hear myself say here goes another one without him. I knew he loved me, knew he cared, just never really knew how much I would miss him and now I wish I didn't know how bad my heart would hurt with out him. I wil always be Daddy's girl. I will always be a Louque and always love until my heart will not allow anymore. He taught me to Laugh! This Is what I will do.. In honor of my Daddy I will Laugh and Love and Live all at the same time.
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