"It" Happens

So, I was deeply cleaning my house the other day in anticipation of the realtor. Just imagine how much junk and dust can accumulate with 5 kids. So, I was going. I saved the boys' bathroom, a place I like to call the Latrine, for last. I try not to go in there at all, but I guess I need to go more often, as you will see.

I opened the cabinet under the sink, and an odor hit me hard in the nose and about the face in general. My thought was (I think I actually said it out loud) "Wow, did someone shit in here?" Seriously. I began to check the area.. Perhaps a mishap on the floor. No, nothing there. So I began to take out the little bins for toothpaste, razors, floss that nobody uses but I provide anyway, etc. All the while, about to throw up from the smell that suggested something was there.

And then, there it was. A crumpled washcloth balled up with, well, shit in it. That's right. Human feces. I am speechless, too. I must have blacked out, but the next thing I remember is it being gone, and the cabinet was bleached out. I began to interrogate the suspects. Of course, the young one was blamed, but I honestly don't think so. Forensics suggested this was the work of bigger person. A more sophisticated criminal. I have theories. I asked Tracy if he thought it was done with spite or malice by someone who doesn't like me (no way!!). He said no, because such a person would have shit on my pillow or something more obvious. True, true. I do think it was an outside job. An embarrassed girl, perhaps. Honestly, what girl wants to clog the toilet, and then go and ask the teenage guys to help her. On a primal level, I think she just needed to survive. I forgive her, I think. I just wish she would have tossed it out the window.

Sorry about this graphic tale. I just felt like in the spirit of authenticity, I should tell this story. Done.