Some days are just unpleasant. Yesterday was like that. One of the low points was spilling 8(!) huge drinks on myself, in my shoes, and in the surrounding area in general. People were nice about it. It was a perfect metaphor for my day. Undone and all over the place and about to cry. And sticky.
Maybe today will be better. I'm trying not to expect that.
I hope to go swimming today with my girls. Evan has a home game, so I will get to see some friends and talk and pass the time. I will enjoy that.
I have made a very important decision. I do not have to keep bad pictures of myself because my kids are in them. Too bad. I do not need reminders of what I looked like after being up for 48 hours and 10 hours of labor. Gone. I can't escape the big hair stuff, but I'm drawing the line. I am also throwing out eerie journals where I can watch myself walk into tragedy. Gone, too. Life has been full of mistakes. Some have cost me so much more than I had to give. The graphic evidence is a little much. I don't even recognize myself in some of that stuff. I wonder what I'll think in the next 20 years? I'll write my memoir one day. An all in one. That will be enough.
Don't throw away the journals!! Hide them in boxes somewhere but that's writing and it make me sad that you are going to throw away your words. You need to keep them. ok, do whatever, but I have some "I cringe and my stupidity" journals too but I feel like they are a part of me, even if they were a messed up part. I just think one day you may regret throwing them away, maybe not..i'll be quiet now. Party at my sisters, July 17th, don't think I'm gonna let this go ;-)
ReplyDeleteHi there. I just stumbled upon your blog using the "next blog" feature. I really like the looks of your site here and what you have to say. I haven't read a lot, but as far as this post goes, I agree that you shouldn't throw away journals. Maybe just throw them in a bin somewhere and hide them for awhile?
ReplyDeleteI appreciate the concern, but it's done. It was just one journal, if that helps. I cannot explain how I feel/felt when looking at it. Too much. It would be like a prisoner not ever wanting to look at or visit the jail he or she was wrongfully in. It just had to go. I'm sorry. I may regret it one day, but it felt cleansing at the moment. I really thank you for your comcern.
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