"Your problem is how you are going to spend this one and precious life you have been issued. Whether you're going to spend it trying to look good and creating the illusion that you have power over circumstances, or whether you are going to taste it, enjoy it and find out the truth about who you are.
— Anne Lamott
But I want to look good!
If I could just figure out the key to my vivid, relentless, dominating, and tortuous brain (I chose each adjective carefully), I could taste and enjoy. I think that when I am vulnerable (open heart and all) I am not comfortable. I am used to bad things happening to me. I am not being dramatic. People have been less than kind to my open heart. I am always looking for the stab. I expect it. I hate it. Coupled with my intuition, I see things clearly way too soon. Enough.
Andrew and Chelsea (and Chelsea's mom and brother) are getting tattoos today. A family one. Austin is getting one Thursday. With all this ink flying around, I am bound to get something. I have an idea, but I need to think about it. I think I need something on my heart, since it's the source of me. It's the best and worst of me. Where it all takes place. The place where the gold is hidden. I think there's gold.
Austin is getting a maple leaf on his heart. I love that. I've see twin bats on a girl's breasts. Not the look I am going for. I need to hurt a little. Weird, but true. I've gotten one for fun, one for love, and one that was defiant. We'll see. A pain one seems very alluring. What are the reasons for some of your tattoos?
I just have one right now. Two dolphins, the ocean, the moon. I love dolphins. I'm not sure why although I'm sure a shrink would come up with a million reasons.
ReplyDeleteI want to get another one in memory of my mother. She loved all things Indian. Trying to figure out how to incorporate some kind of Southwestern art with bluebonnets and the pink breast cancer ribbon. Yeah, this is why I haven't gotten it yet!
Good luck with yours! I can't wait to see it.