Sunday

My Daddy died too soon. Father's Day is coming, and I can honestly say I won't want to post this on that day. So now is a good time. Kandi doesn't do graves, so I will warn her.

I ponder every day about so many things. I do not understand the reason we are here. I know the way we treat each other is the biggest deal, but I am at a loss a lot of the time.

My father was and still is the most influential person in my life. That is not necessarily a compliment. I fought him most of the time I was with him. Valiantly. Sometimes I knew it, sometimes not. He knew it and loved me for it. (He told me). I was and am so much like him.

Because of him I can be insecure and afraid and tell the world to kiss my ass at the same time. I have no need to fight anyone, because I have gone at it with the best. Seriously, bring it. I am funny, faithful, loyal, inappropriate, and I am positive my boobs are too small. I can feel your pain, and I will give until it hurts. I love history and art and graveyards. I am passionate. If you think you can out talk me, that's interesting. I am more drawn to out loving you. I am saying all these things because they are my Daddy's traits. His presence in me. I know how to forgive. I need forgiveness. I need God, and am banking on mercy. Like him.

So Happy Father's Day Vance III. You brought more out of me than anyone has so far. You earned my respect, love, hate at times, and undying honor. You are missed every day. All the time. When people treat me well, I hope you can see. When people treat me not so well, I am glad for them that you aren't within reach. Nobody could make a scene like you. I have felt most like you when I was defiant. Flipping off the world. It makes me laugh. People who know me and love me think it's funny when I finally lose it. Whether it's throwing rocks, using some sort of nudity, or just some fancy talk, I am your daughter. Thank you. I look forward to the day I see you again.