I know that people have bucket lists. I hate that title. I prefer "what to do before you're too old to care or physically accomplish." Just me. I have no list. But I do know some things that just won't happen. The reverse bucket.

I'm not going to get that English degree. Save the "it's never too late" comments. I realize that we can learn and achieve at all ages. I just can't find it online, and I can't quit work and stop supporting my kids. Like the ex.

My boobs are not going to be big. This one hurts.

I don't think I'll live in NYC.

I won't have that editing job I thought about.

But, honestly, that's about it. Not bad. I still want to make some money, have a hot body, get my kids through college with whole hearts, write a book, and grow old with Tracy Miller. He has no obligation to stay with me, and yet he does. This is promising. I want to fully love this man and know what it means to be irreplaceable.

I want to laugh, be moved by music and words, have epiphanies (are there any left?), drink some cocktails, have an open heart. I want to sit in the mountains with my love and drink French Kisses for 2 weeks. Like Valerie.  I want to see my kids live on their own terms. I want them to have terms. And I want some botox. I think I can do these. Maybe.

If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lie with me

And just forget the world?

Forget what we're told

Before we get too old
Show me a garden

That's bursting into life

All that I am

All that I ever was

Is here in your perfect eyes

They're all I can see