I am always wondering what God thinks about all this. It's so quiet on His end. Like talking to a gravestone. I've done that so many times, but there is no reciprocation. Sitting on the grass talking to the "in Loving Memory"...silence. I talked for so long the other night on the way to Miami. It was raining, midnight, and I had no phone. So I talked and cried and cried and talked. It was good, if not a little weird. But I still believe He hears me. I am not sure about much else. I can tell by the world around me. That's my proof if I need it. I don't, but it's there in front of me.

I know that religion is our attempt to connect and understand God. I know that it's man's way to control himself and the people around him. I know our steeples and music and postures are all attempts. I think it's fine. Well, the reaching out to God is fine. The control thing is just another ugly thing we do. I hope this isn't all there is. I hope there is no hell, and we get to have sex and dance in the afterlife. Why wouldn't I?

I like to sit quietly in front of Him. I am known, and that is everything to me. I don't even know me, so it's a comforting thought to think I am understood, regarded, and loved. I wonder if I created my own God to fill my holes? I will be happy to know the truth one day. About Him and me.