Weekends are never long enough these days. I spend a lot of time reading and reflecting. Embracing the silence and allowing it to become peace. And falling asleep on the couch.

I had the pleasure of going to the movies with Isabelle and Evan on Friday. It was so nice. We ate at Burrito Famous and saw Monsters University. Saturday Zak appeared. That is always ok, and tonight we have Hope and Andrew and Chelsea coming over. Honey is here and Bradley will be back tomorrow. I say all this because I am told that in these times I am supposed to surround myself with people I trust. People that love me. I am making lists, crying my tears, getting better, doing the work it takes to be a different person. I want to look in the mirror and recognize that person looking at me. I refuse to give up. It is the hardest thing I have been through so far. Psychologically, the damage from this particular scenario is very common. But I will learn and change and not be drawn into these illusions.

And football starts in 34 days. Honestly, one day if I can ever trust another person again, I'm maybe not that bad. I like cooking, drinking, laughing, football, and sex. And I am loyal. Not exactly long walks on the beach and pina coladas, but that's overrated? I hope I can be happy again. I wish it would have been what I thought 4 years ago.. Oh well.