Sometimes I mean well and still cause harm. ???
Today was like that.
I worked at Johnny's during lunch. I always go in thinking that all will be well. And it was, except for my getting a little protective. The nature of people in a restaurant is predictable, but every now and then you get the mean one. And so, it goes. I think I did pretty well considering.
I have my kids today. We ate dinner and watched TV like normal people. I talked to Tracy. His voice is always one of the best parts of my day. I get to see him tomorrow. I love that man.
I am moving soon. I am collecting boxes (thank you, Mr. Ray!) and will soon start the process. I have moved around 30 times. I've been single, married, pregnant, name it. I hate it. This time will be different. I found a house that will fit everybody. It has a great big living room with a fireplace. I love fire. Football games, cooking, and a fire. And wine. What could be better? I think I will take a class this fall to work toward my degree. Just a token really, but I need to move forward. Technical English will be just what I need. Maybe.
I am trying to live with no expectations about my life. I am dangling on a thread, and I have no power to make things go one way or another. I just live out the moments. Sometimes I need to just be quiet. Sigh.
Last night a crow flew into a transformer right outside the window at JBBQ. A loud boom and sparks went everywhere. Two interesting guys were kind enough to pick up the dead bird and throw it into the woods. A hole had blown right through its heart. We all wanted crow tattoos to commemorate the moment. Then we changed our minds. Sally is getting a pumpkin, and me--the heart on the outside. More on that when I do it.
I am thankful for being known. For the people that smile at me, laugh at my silliness, think I'm worth it. I am scared to death, but here I am.
You don’t know me…I don’t know you, but I know this – that dangling thread is a rope – a very strong rope. I was dangling from that same kind of thread - I got divorced from a…I won’t go there…I had 3 small children, ages 1, 3 and 5, no car, no job, thousands of miles from family. I was dangling, going through the motions of living, feeling powerless - until I reached up and grabbed that thread and began climbing hand over hand out of my abyss. It took time and I’m no athlete – but I made it. My life changed – I met my best friend and greatest supporter. He and I have been married 34 years – my kids are great, well adjusted and love their dad -my husband - probably more than they love me! I’m happy! You are too – now just reach for it – start climbing up! It sounds like you’ve already met your best friend – he’s ready to assist, I’m sure.
ReplyDeleteGosh…I hope this wasn’t too presumptuous of me…but I just had to say it. Good luck and God Bless!