Some days I don't think I have what it takes to just conquer or at least face the obstacles and disappointments and unmet expectations that I grapple with. I remember a while back, probably over 10 tears ago, when we were getting ready to go somewhere with the kids. I was loading kids in the car, getting the stroller, packing all the stuff. And then it bit me. A spider. It really hurt. It sunk it's little fangs into my inner forearm. I started to swell, and then a streak went up my arm. It freaked me out. As the night wore on, everybody went to sleep,  I was up wigging at about 2 am. I just knew I would die. And then the thought occurred to me that I had been through too much ( forgive me) shit to be taken out by a bug. That was it. I went to bed.

I have to remind myself of that. I navigated my way through a completely dysfunctional childhood. I have given my heart to a couple of people that either handed it right back to me, or took it and tore it to shreds. I have been to the funerals of a boyfriend, each of my grandparents, my cousins, and my daddy. I have been abandoned by people in every way a person can be abandoned. I have sucked it up and had 5 childbirths with no drugs. And yes, mine hurt as badly as yours did. I have walked around like a corpse, eating and sleeping, trying to keep my kids' lives together. I have walked through all kinds of stuff. And here I am.

So bring on the next round. I know it's coming. I can feel it. I guess that's what life is. You're either coming out of hardship or going in to it. Either way, I can do it. I think.

Oh, by the way. I deactivated my facebook  for a  little while. I guess some of you may wonder where I have gone. I will be back soon so that I can keep up with you. Love to each of you.