As I have said before in one way or another, in 1989 my heart jumped out of my chest and started walking around outside of me. It multiplied 5 times over the following years. Had I known what I know now I would most definitely do it all over again. You have defined and saved my life a million times. Thank you.
I know I work all the time now. I am spread so thin that nobody gets as much as I would like to give. I miss so many little things. Please know that you are in my heart, my intentions, and my thoughts all day. I will make some money one day, and you will have everything you need. I swear.
2010 was great, but let's look ahead. This next year can be our best. We will laugh, dance, cheer, cry a little, work and play. LSU will play some baseball, and we will roll some dice on full count. I want to go to the beach, to the mountains, and to the mall with you. I know what it feels like to be comforted with the fact that someone is out there and loving you. My Dad was like that. I hope I am that for you.
I am that for you.
So, Happy New Year to my children. I hope you don't go with the crowd unless they are dancing, preferably in front of a marching band. I hope you defend the weak, and if someone messes with one of you, I hope they have to go through the other 4. You know they will have to deal with me as well. And the Canadian. Choose to be happy. Work hard. Love somebody that doesn't deserve it. As my dad and any of my grandparents would say," Give 'em hell." I love you with all of me. It hurts it's so much, but it's a good hurt.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Thursday, December 30, 2010
My letter to my Johhny's girls....
To My BBQ Girls (and guys),
As some of you know, I have gotten a job “across the street” with Keystone Insurance. I will start with the New Year, so here I go. I feel like I’m getting out of Shawshank and scared to death I can’t make it on the outside. I may be back.
I started working here during the most difficult time of my life. You have all held my hand, listened to me cry and complain, and even offered to hurt people for me. Then you watched as I stalked Tracy, fell ridiculously in love, and married him. I remember telling Cara I had a crush on him, and Andrea did my section 4 side work so I could go on my first date! You have all been the greatest sisters I could hope for.
I will NEVER be the same. You are all the strongest, most loyal, funniest, bad ass bunch of women I have ever had the honor to be with. I am better for knowing each of you. I will never work with more honest, hard working, absolutely pleasant people. You are all my picks for my imaginary bar fight team. Seriously, somebody would get hurt. I would not fight, of course, but I would run for help if you got in trouble.
Here are my tips you:
-Fluff the ice like you mean it. (Your Mother fluffs it like she means it!)
-White bag the set ups.
-Don’t overstock, damn it. (except for Brandy. Carry on)
-Don’t take shit from old men.
-Be nice to Dave.
-Be patient with the new girls. I still feel like a new girl.
-Get on your knees and thank God you work for Johnny Mason. If you don’t think it’s necessary, go work somewhere else. You’ll know what I mean.
-Continue to make the Century 21 lady give her phone number. For me.
-Enjoy all the inappropriate, dirty humor.
With All the Love in My Heart,
Karen Louque Miller
As some of you know, I have gotten a job “across the street” with Keystone Insurance. I will start with the New Year, so here I go. I feel like I’m getting out of Shawshank and scared to death I can’t make it on the outside. I may be back.
I started working here during the most difficult time of my life. You have all held my hand, listened to me cry and complain, and even offered to hurt people for me. Then you watched as I stalked Tracy, fell ridiculously in love, and married him. I remember telling Cara I had a crush on him, and Andrea did my section 4 side work so I could go on my first date! You have all been the greatest sisters I could hope for.
I will NEVER be the same. You are all the strongest, most loyal, funniest, bad ass bunch of women I have ever had the honor to be with. I am better for knowing each of you. I will never work with more honest, hard working, absolutely pleasant people. You are all my picks for my imaginary bar fight team. Seriously, somebody would get hurt. I would not fight, of course, but I would run for help if you got in trouble.
Here are my tips you:
-Fluff the ice like you mean it. (Your Mother fluffs it like she means it!)
-White bag the set ups.
-Don’t overstock, damn it. (except for Brandy. Carry on)
-Don’t take shit from old men.
-Be nice to Dave.
-Be patient with the new girls. I still feel like a new girl.
-Get on your knees and thank God you work for Johnny Mason. If you don’t think it’s necessary, go work somewhere else. You’ll know what I mean.
-Continue to make the Century 21 lady give her phone number. For me.
-Enjoy all the inappropriate, dirty humor.
With All the Love in My Heart,
Karen Louque Miller
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Christmas Eve
 |
| The King of Catering and me |
 |
| Honey, Bradley, Jenn, me, Isabelle, Evan, Andrew, Chelsea, Chase. |
 |
| Without Jenn.... |
To the people I miss
View from heaven, Yellowcard
I'm just so tired Won't you sing me to sleep
And fly through my dreams
So I can hitch a ride with you tonight
And get away from this place
Have a new name and face
I just ain't the same without you in my life
Late night drives, all alone in my car
I can't help but start
Singing lines from all our favorite songs
And melodies in the air
Singin' life just ain't fair
Sometimes I still just can't believe you're gone
And I'm sure the view from heaven
Beats the hell out of mine here
And if we all believe in heaven,
Maybe we'll make it through one more year
Down here
I'm just so tired Won't you sing me to sleep
And fly through my dreams
So I can hitch a ride with you tonight
And get away from this place
Have a new name and face
I just ain't the same without you in my life
Late night drives, all alone in my car
I can't help but start
Singing lines from all our favorite songs
And melodies in the air
Singin' life just ain't fair
Sometimes I still just can't believe you're gone
And I'm sure the view from heaven
Beats the hell out of mine here
And if we all believe in heaven,
Maybe we'll make it through one more year
Down here
Yesterday I watched To Kill a Mockingbird. Again. It's one of my favorite movies, and my blog is named after a passage in the book/movie. There are so many good things in that story, but one part stood out to me yesterday as it always does. The kids are at the courthouse spying on Atticus while Tom Robinson is being charged. Dill is looking through the window, descibing what he sees, and says the judge looks like he's sleeping, and there's a black man crying. Dill wondered what the black man had done to cry about.
I'm always affected by that. It's interesting that we assume certain things about people. It never occurred to Dill that Tom was crying because someone did something to him.
I lived my life a very long time in two realities. One was inside of me and the other for everybody else. I am sure people assumed all sorts of things, but they never knew the truth. I try not to do that to people. Tracy is like that, too. One of the millions of reasons I love him. I hope our children can learn to accept people and have some mercy.
“An‘ they chased him ’n‘ never could catch him ’cause they didn’t know what he looked like, an‘ Atticus, when they finally saw him, why he hadn’t done any of
those things… Atticus, he was real nice…”
His hands were under my chin, pulling up the cover, tucking it around me.
“Most people are, Scout, when you finally see them.”
I'm always affected by that. It's interesting that we assume certain things about people. It never occurred to Dill that Tom was crying because someone did something to him.
I lived my life a very long time in two realities. One was inside of me and the other for everybody else. I am sure people assumed all sorts of things, but they never knew the truth. I try not to do that to people. Tracy is like that, too. One of the millions of reasons I love him. I hope our children can learn to accept people and have some mercy.
“An‘ they chased him ’n‘ never could catch him ’cause they didn’t know what he looked like, an‘ Atticus, when they finally saw him, why he hadn’t done any of
those things… Atticus, he was real nice…”
His hands were under my chin, pulling up the cover, tucking it around me.
“Most people are, Scout, when you finally see them.”
Saturday, December 25, 2010
A favorite all time moment
And what happened then...?
Well...in Who-ville they say
That the Grinch's small heart
Grew three sizes that day!
And the minute his heart didn't feel quite so tight,
He whizzed with his load through the bright morning light
And he brought back the toys! And the food for the feast!
And he...
...HE HIMSELF...!
The Grinch carved the roast beast!
~Dr Seuss
Well...in Who-ville they say
That the Grinch's small heart
Grew three sizes that day!
And the minute his heart didn't feel quite so tight,
He whizzed with his load through the bright morning light
And he brought back the toys! And the food for the feast!
And he...
...HE HIMSELF...!
The Grinch carved the roast beast!
~Dr Seuss
Friday, December 24, 2010
I'm not sure about resolutions. They are fun to make, but not very likely to keep. At least for me.
There are things that I would like to know, to change, to embrace. Maybe this next year will be that for me. I look back and see some pretty big deals that happened in 2010. My long divorce finally became a reality. I also got married. I know. I love a man that is a pleasure.
I danced a victory jig with Honey, Bradley, Andrew, Kam, and Evan in front of the UF band. After we won. That was a great one. This also solidified Honey's LSU fan status. 4 down....Bellie is next.
I have found out that my mind is complicated. A little obsessive. I already knew this, but I was hoping with age it would get easier. Not.
I am the jealous type. Yeah, I said it. You probably are, too. I realize it has to do with this notion that I don't cut it, but whatever. I need to cut it....
I want to make more money. I want my kids' needs to be met without having to grovel to people with a million bad excuses. I will twist and turn and morph into all sorts of things to make it good for people. But don't f#*k with my kids. I am currently looking forward to meeting a particular woman, a mom, that thought it would be ok to openly malign one of my sons....I will meet her. She and I will have a moment. I get all tingly just thinking about it.
I want to be whatever I am without hesitation. Take it or leave it. I have been what everybody wants for so long. All things to all people, and that is good. But I'm here, too.
I want a non crushable spirit. I am out here. Exposed. A 45 year old little girl. Oh well.
There are things that I would like to know, to change, to embrace. Maybe this next year will be that for me. I look back and see some pretty big deals that happened in 2010. My long divorce finally became a reality. I also got married. I know. I love a man that is a pleasure.
I danced a victory jig with Honey, Bradley, Andrew, Kam, and Evan in front of the UF band. After we won. That was a great one. This also solidified Honey's LSU fan status. 4 down....Bellie is next.
I have found out that my mind is complicated. A little obsessive. I already knew this, but I was hoping with age it would get easier. Not.
I am the jealous type. Yeah, I said it. You probably are, too. I realize it has to do with this notion that I don't cut it, but whatever. I need to cut it....
I want to make more money. I want my kids' needs to be met without having to grovel to people with a million bad excuses. I will twist and turn and morph into all sorts of things to make it good for people. But don't f#*k with my kids. I am currently looking forward to meeting a particular woman, a mom, that thought it would be ok to openly malign one of my sons....I will meet her. She and I will have a moment. I get all tingly just thinking about it.
I want to be whatever I am without hesitation. Take it or leave it. I have been what everybody wants for so long. All things to all people, and that is good. But I'm here, too.
I want a non crushable spirit. I am out here. Exposed. A 45 year old little girl. Oh well.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Some people I like. Thank you Kam!!!
 |
| Andrew and his ukelele. |
 |
| Evan doing something freaky and Honey looking on. |
 |
| Some would say a younger version of me. I say a better one. |
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Quotes
Some quotes from the year...
"That's bizarre." Mason, many times. He has met his quota with this one.
"Do mean large or jumbo?" Every Johnny's girl at one time or another.
"Wouldn't you like to stick this in someone's chest?" Tracy, holding a pitchfork. I said no, and oddly was not creeped out.
"I wouldn't mind sticking a pitchfork in someone's chest." Dave, too.
"I do." Me and my Miller.
"Please be nice to me." Me
"Go home, get drunk, and take advantage of yourself." Me again, to lonely women everywhere.
"As if any of you have any remote clue what he would think in this situation, or as if his take on the situation would be the right one. Stop using Paw Paw." Bradley in perfect form trying to get people to stop speaking on the authority of my dad. Loved this!
"You won't out bitch me." Tara. She said this quietly in the ear of a young woman who was in way over her head.
"Love you, too." Honey. Sweet words.
"If you ever loved somebody, put ya hands up." Nelly
"I want a baby tiger." Andrew and Evan
"I may not provide food and clothes, but I give my children morals." A fool.
"Don't you dare let them see you cry." Kyle Tate, my lawyer
"I'm gay." One of the best friends in the world.
Love you all. More later.....
"That's bizarre." Mason, many times. He has met his quota with this one.
"Do mean large or jumbo?" Every Johnny's girl at one time or another.
"Wouldn't you like to stick this in someone's chest?" Tracy, holding a pitchfork. I said no, and oddly was not creeped out.
"I wouldn't mind sticking a pitchfork in someone's chest." Dave, too.
"I do." Me and my Miller.
"Please be nice to me." Me
"Go home, get drunk, and take advantage of yourself." Me again, to lonely women everywhere.
"As if any of you have any remote clue what he would think in this situation, or as if his take on the situation would be the right one. Stop using Paw Paw." Bradley in perfect form trying to get people to stop speaking on the authority of my dad. Loved this!
"You won't out bitch me." Tara. She said this quietly in the ear of a young woman who was in way over her head.
"Love you, too." Honey. Sweet words.
"If you ever loved somebody, put ya hands up." Nelly
"I want a baby tiger." Andrew and Evan
"I may not provide food and clothes, but I give my children morals." A fool.
"Don't you dare let them see you cry." Kyle Tate, my lawyer
"I'm gay." One of the best friends in the world.
Love you all. More later.....
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Tired
2011 is going to be a new beginning kind of year. New husband, new home, new family, new everything. Some things remain. I love my kids more than I can say. I love Tracy. I love food. I love God.
I am different now, too. If you want to hurt me, get in line. There are parts of me that are untouchable. No one gets to do what's been done before. That's it. I will never give access to anyone to tear my heart in half. The things that have petrified me the most, I have faced. I'm not saying I won or anything. Contrarily, I lost. But that will never happen again. I don't talk a lot with anyone about all that.
I am looking forward to all the good things that are on my horizon. I hope I can be a good wife and mother and friend and employee. Shit. That's a lot. I look in my mirror and see this woman with an old looking neck and I wonder who she is, because I'm still Karen Louque, 18 or 14 or 21 or something. I still think I'm this irreverant little Louisiana girl that can tell you to kiss my ass. Actually, I am her. It's late.
Ok, I need to go to bed. Good night blog people.
I am different now, too. If you want to hurt me, get in line. There are parts of me that are untouchable. No one gets to do what's been done before. That's it. I will never give access to anyone to tear my heart in half. The things that have petrified me the most, I have faced. I'm not saying I won or anything. Contrarily, I lost. But that will never happen again. I don't talk a lot with anyone about all that.
I am looking forward to all the good things that are on my horizon. I hope I can be a good wife and mother and friend and employee. Shit. That's a lot. I look in my mirror and see this woman with an old looking neck and I wonder who she is, because I'm still Karen Louque, 18 or 14 or 21 or something. I still think I'm this irreverant little Louisiana girl that can tell you to kiss my ass. Actually, I am her. It's late.
Ok, I need to go to bed. Good night blog people.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Sunday, December 12, 2010
An early Recap.
This year is coming to a close so quickly. So much has happened. I've changed my name twice (both great improvements), I have sold a house, moved, cried about some things, laughed more, been wrongly judged by unlikely people, been loved unconditionally by more, and gotten married to the man that I for so long could only dream of.
I've looked into the dilated eyes of my son and had him tell me that I am his mom but other than that he can't remember anything. I have seen pain in each of my children and just prayed, because that's all I can do. I have watched my children embrace my loving Tracy, and I know that this is the beginning of a great time in their lives.
There are some things that I knew that were reinforced. People are what they do. Period. Don't say pretty things about love and whatnot and be a jerk. You're a jerk. Please change. It's not too late.
I have learned once again that the world does not revolve around me. I keep trying....
I have missed home and realized that home is a place inside of me. Corny and very Wizard of Oz, but true. My home is me and next to Tracy Miller. My kids will one day fly. Soar, hopefully.
I am realizing that life is not about what other people say it is. It is about waking up and loving someone, going to work, buying food and electricity, and breathing, finding something pretty to look at, reading, and laughing.. I have read that God takes pleasure in me. That He created me because He just wanted to. That's got to be ok with me. So here I am....it's me and some topless lady in Africa walking around doing our thing. I won't presume to know how she feels. Not my job. I'm just supposed to love her if I meet her. And so it goes...
I have been called an immoral harlot, beautiful, sexy, the best Mom in the world, a fornicator, a survivor, out of control and living in la la land, a bright spot in some people's day. Dave said I make people better. I'll take that one, although it's probably because compared to me, everyone is better! :)
I will continue to say good bye's, which I despise, and hello's to new people to love. I will begin to embrace this friggin' aging process. I will keep my ass in shape as long as possible. I will still practically lactate when I see a newborn. Sweetest miracle in this world. I will wish that I could go back and love Tracy through all of my life. I will continue to put you first and me second. It's my offering to God. I will fail sometimes.
So here's an Early Happy New Year. I am trying to compile my favorite quotes of the year. I'll do that soon. Until then, I love you for reading my thoughts. It's the biggest compliment even if you don't like them. You are regarding me. Thank you.
I've looked into the dilated eyes of my son and had him tell me that I am his mom but other than that he can't remember anything. I have seen pain in each of my children and just prayed, because that's all I can do. I have watched my children embrace my loving Tracy, and I know that this is the beginning of a great time in their lives.
There are some things that I knew that were reinforced. People are what they do. Period. Don't say pretty things about love and whatnot and be a jerk. You're a jerk. Please change. It's not too late.
I have learned once again that the world does not revolve around me. I keep trying....
I have missed home and realized that home is a place inside of me. Corny and very Wizard of Oz, but true. My home is me and next to Tracy Miller. My kids will one day fly. Soar, hopefully.
I am realizing that life is not about what other people say it is. It is about waking up and loving someone, going to work, buying food and electricity, and breathing, finding something pretty to look at, reading, and laughing.. I have read that God takes pleasure in me. That He created me because He just wanted to. That's got to be ok with me. So here I am....it's me and some topless lady in Africa walking around doing our thing. I won't presume to know how she feels. Not my job. I'm just supposed to love her if I meet her. And so it goes...
I have been called an immoral harlot, beautiful, sexy, the best Mom in the world, a fornicator, a survivor, out of control and living in la la land, a bright spot in some people's day. Dave said I make people better. I'll take that one, although it's probably because compared to me, everyone is better! :)
I will continue to say good bye's, which I despise, and hello's to new people to love. I will begin to embrace this friggin' aging process. I will keep my ass in shape as long as possible. I will still practically lactate when I see a newborn. Sweetest miracle in this world. I will wish that I could go back and love Tracy through all of my life. I will continue to put you first and me second. It's my offering to God. I will fail sometimes.
So here's an Early Happy New Year. I am trying to compile my favorite quotes of the year. I'll do that soon. Until then, I love you for reading my thoughts. It's the biggest compliment even if you don't like them. You are regarding me. Thank you.
Wednesday, December 08, 2010
Merry and Bright
Christmas is coming soon with all it's chaos. I love this time of year, but it is hectic.
I am amazed at how easily and naturally all of our children have adapted to living together. We thought it might take a while, but everybody is happy and fine. I am so thankful. We're quite a group.
I love being a well treated wife. That's the best, nicest way I can say it. I am reminded often of how things were for me in the past. With the exception of an occasional nightmare, I am well beyond. I used to dread the road ahead of me. Now I am full of hope and anticipation of what lies ahead. I know it won't all be rosy, but I'm not afraid of that. I am who I am supposed to be. A little older, a little wiser, very silly, and unafraid. I like it.
I am amazed at how easily and naturally all of our children have adapted to living together. We thought it might take a while, but everybody is happy and fine. I am so thankful. We're quite a group.
Monday, December 06, 2010
Never too late
I'm starting to think of things I want to do now that I am living out my greatest dream. It's kind of a resolution type thought...
I want to...
get back to the gym.
learn to play the guitar. Andrew said he'll teach me.
write that book.
take those pictures.
meet the needs of my children.
spoil Tracy. I mean excessive spoiling.
That's about it. How about some others?
I want to...
get back to the gym.
learn to play the guitar. Andrew said he'll teach me.
write that book.
take those pictures.
meet the needs of my children.
spoil Tracy. I mean excessive spoiling.
That's about it. How about some others?
Don't Postpone Joy
Hello! We are back from our weekend Honeymoon and ready to start living this out. I love my husband. He is pleasure to travel with. I have never seen anyone happier to look upon mountains as he was. We will definitely go back.
We loved Asheville. I never knew what a cool little city that was. Such a funky, earthy vibe. Very stylish in a simple, urban, eclectic way.
I need to go. I have lots to say, but no time right now. I did see a good motto at Laurey's Gourmet Comfort Food: Don't Postpone Joy. I like that. Have a nice day living...
I need to go. I have lots to say, but no time right now. I did see a good motto at Laurey's Gourmet Comfort Food: Don't Postpone Joy. I like that. Have a nice day living...
Wednesday, December 01, 2010
12/1
It's December! The year has truly flown by with the exception of August, which lasted 6 months. (Sally agrees). I have had 3 names this year. I will settle in with Karen Louque Miller. Eternal Miller time.
I am so amazed at the genuine well wishes of so many people. Thank you again for that. I am also amazed at the complete silence of others. It's my blog, and I can say that. I think...well I won't go there. I am happy. That is enough.
I am thinking already about the New Year. This is the tiime to write a book. If anybody has any suggestions, input, or advice, please give! I will try.
Going to work. It will be a long day culminating with a hug from my perfect husband. Have a nice day.
I am so amazed at the genuine well wishes of so many people. Thank you again for that. I am also amazed at the complete silence of others. It's my blog, and I can say that. I think...well I won't go there. I am happy. That is enough.
I am thinking already about the New Year. This is the tiime to write a book. If anybody has any suggestions, input, or advice, please give! I will try.
Going to work. It will be a long day culminating with a hug from my perfect husband. Have a nice day.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)