An early Recap.

This year is coming to a close so quickly. So much has happened. I've changed my name twice (both great improvements), I have sold a house, moved, cried about some things, laughed more, been wrongly judged by unlikely people, been loved unconditionally by more, and gotten married to the man that I for so long  could only dream of.

 I've looked into the dilated eyes of my son and had him tell me that I am his mom but other than that he can't remember anything. I have seen pain in each of my children and just prayed, because that's all I can do. I have watched my children embrace my loving Tracy, and I know that this is the beginning of a great time in their lives.

There are some things that I knew that were reinforced. People are what they do. Period. Don't say pretty things about love and whatnot and be a jerk. You're a jerk. Please change. It's not too late.

I have learned once again that the world does not revolve around me. I keep trying....

I have missed home and realized that home is a place inside of me. Corny and very Wizard of Oz, but true. My home is me and next to Tracy Miller. My kids will one day fly. Soar, hopefully.

I am realizing that life is not about what other people say it is. It is about waking up and loving someone, going to work, buying food and electricity, and breathing, finding something pretty to look at, reading, and laughing.. I have read that God takes pleasure in me. That He created me because He just wanted to. That's got to be ok with me. So here I am....it's me and some topless lady in Africa walking around doing our thing. I won't presume to know how she feels. Not my job. I'm just supposed to love her if I meet her. And so it goes...

I have been called an immoral harlot, beautiful, sexy, the best Mom in the world, a fornicator, a survivor, out of control and living in la la land, a bright spot in some people's day. Dave said I make people better. I'll take that one, although it's probably because compared to me, everyone is better! :)

I will continue to say good bye's, which I despise, and hello's to new people to love. I will begin to embrace this friggin' aging process. I will keep my ass in shape as long as possible. I will still practically lactate when I see a newborn. Sweetest miracle in this world. I will wish that I could go back and love Tracy through all of my life. I will continue to put you first and me second. It's my offering to God. I will fail sometimes.

So here's an Early Happy New Year. I am trying to compile my favorite quotes of the year. I'll do that soon. Until then, I love you for reading my thoughts. It's the biggest compliment even if you don't like them. You are regarding me. Thank you.