Vanity thy name is...

I think I've been pretty clear about my disdain for hair dying. I hate it. I feel (am) fake when I do it. Society wins on this one, and I am pissed. It's like stuffing your bra or getting butt implants. We are supposed to be secure and at peace with who we are and our age, but only with no gray hair. Having gray would be "letting yourself go". Gray hair = old, and that is bad, I guess. So once every 6 weeks or so, I bow down to the world's opinion of what makes me "beautiful", and I fry my hair. I throw $10 to the Magazine gods or whoever the hell I am adhering to. I submit my brain to the beauty industry's propaganda.  I would have been just awesome in Germany in the 30's. A real maverick. (sarcasm in case you didn't catch that vibe.) Please know that I know I am a hypocrite. I cannot bear the thought of Tracy not thinking I am sexy. I am vain and need to look at my reflection, shoot myself with finger guns, and give a quick air kiss like every body else. I want to be admired and pretty. And I am willing to do what it takes and what I have enough money for. If I lived in one of those African tribes, I'd wear neck stretchers, and I'd have guaged ear lobes, and I'd walk around topless.  I know what I am, and I am no better than any other woman in the world. At the end of the day, I want a man (Tracy Miller in my case) to want me. Damn.

 So yesterday, ironically and so sadly, I made a dye mistake. I know better. I wanted to go a little darker, for "fun", and I chose Dark Ash. It might as well have been called Gothic Brown or Gypsy Wannabe or Gene Simmons Maple. My hair is black.(Oh that's pretty, Karen.) No it's not. I am horrified. It's like I have a subliminal force or drive to screw my hair up. A masochistic need, and I'm sadistic enough to oblige.  I've got to get some inner beauty. Fast.  If anybody has any cures, remedies, or just their own stupid stories, I would appreciate it. Meanwhile, I will continue to be startled every time I pass by a mirror. Who is that old looking woman with the jet black head? Oh that's me. Adios?