Your day is approaching which is always harder than the actual day. I'm 48 now. I think of you all the time. One thing I refuse to do is to make you into something that you never were. You were fragmented and tormented. You struggled with a lot of demons. But amazingly through it all, you still are the single best example of love I have seen yet. You loved in your lack. You had to brush aside the crazy and still were faithful to be there for me. I miss you. You were hilarious and handsome and crazy and unselfish and faithful and so much larger than life.
I have since tried to fix you many times. I am wasted. But I, like you ( I hope), will still love through all of this. I will try to brush aside my own crazy and be faithful. Like you.
I think you are whole now. At peace and maybe you see me. I keep making really bad choices, but I guess that's part of being your daughter. I am not ashamed.
Life is so fast, and I will see you soon. Happy Father's Day. I love you. Maybe you are my great love.
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