I can't help but wonder.

Is love possible?

I mean the kind that I want. The one where both people fall off the cliff. Or they jump off, with eyes closed and arms open. The love that lays it all out there. Can two people do that? Or is it just one? Or none. Maybe it's just not smart or rational.

Maybe it's not for this life. Or for me.

So I will get smart. And learn new things. And finish this race. And maybe I will understand one day what all this is for. Because I have no idea. God used me to bring five people into this world. They are, to me, worth it all.

I'm not sure if we are allowed more than one mid life crisis, or more than one purpose, or more than one great love.

I have no idea. But I promise to keep treading. To keep running and reading and laughing and talking. Dreaming and praying.

I am not entitled to be loved. I just wanted it like everybody else. What a weird world.