a little time to type

I am happily typing. I choose to be.

Football has begun, I am trying to solidify my massage practice, and I am learning how to meditate, to still this mind. I am looking at my bank account, scribbling budgets everyday (they always look the same), and hoping that I can eek out a life for myself and my kids. I realize some of my kids are actually adults, but we are all in this together. Queue the High School Musical 3 song.

I am going Friday night to the beach. By myself. I am happy to do that, although it's bittersweet. It takes a long time to turn some corners. But I am. I will have fun. I am searching for Karen Marie, but will be channeling Vance the III. At the beach. Alone. (Clink, Clyde!)

I have shifted my reading and studying from the outside to the inner. To me. I am reading about a war that is art, what an empath is and why we do what we do, what it means to reflect goodness and positive energy, and what I want from life, food, words, and a man. I like that little list because some of them give and some get, and some do both.

I am full of awe at the ways that God (my view) speaks and guides me each day. Little messages, small miracles, beauty in so many places and people. I am trying to go in a direction, and when I make strides, I get a cool breeze on my back. When I have a setback, I never feel judged, but the air gets still. And muggy. It's all spirit, but I can feel it. I know it. I have my answer, but God is letting me take the long way down the mountain. He knew I was exhausted, and I may not make it if I had to move faster. I was and am the flickering flame that He will not snuff out. He will not extinguish me, but will let me dance around the wick as though there is no wind, no danger, no darkness all around.

Being full of empathy as opposed to absolutely nothing, I find it very hard to give up on people. I keep believing in redemption. Thinking and praying for people to "come around". Not happenin.

Along with Empath, I think I can safely label myself as a Universalist. Maybe not in a strict sense. Or maybe so. I just have always believed that the grace of God is bigger and more powerful than any bad thing. (this includes but is not limited to Hell and death). I have maintained that the people that are in heaven will shock us all. And I will gladly be surprised. Let mercy be the big thing! My eggs are certainly in that basket. Sorry all you Brimstoners! I just don't think there is a Hell the way that most people consider it. And not only does that NOT give me a license to molest children and puppies, rob the convenience store or the BBQ restaurant, it actually makes me want to do good. To live up to this gift. She who is forgiven much, loves much.

Happy day, loves. I am moving closer to truth. To me and to God. That will be home.