Pondering

 This week is good. Lots of things are happening. Some productive, some just normal. I try to find something everyday that I love that doesn't depend on anyone else. Something that stands alone and can't be taken away or with held or forgotten...Most of what makes my heart sing depends on the actions of others. Not a good idea.

It's funny. I think I learn lessons, and then find myself repeating the same mistakes, patterns, cycles, whatever. I know better. I mean I REALLY know better. Sometimes the gain out weighs the risk. Or even the thought of gain. Life is a mystery. I seem to keep going back to get something that I will obvioulsy never get. I am tired.

I want to be whole, independent, empathetic, and loved. Understood and cared about. Those are the things that keep me going. I want to understand why I react in the ways that I do. Does anybody ever know these things? Or do we just stop caring so much? 

 I wonder how my other sisters who have gone this way are handling it....the ones that are like me. In the blender. I pray that I can do the things I need to do with a peaceful mind. No fear. Just resolve. On a lighter note....

I am enjoying my book. It's nice to have something to make me think. It's Tuesday, and I am looking forward to Friday. That's not too bad.