Step out the front door like a ghost into the fog where no one notices the contrast of white on white
And in between the moon and you, angels get a better view
Of the crumbling difference between wrong and right
Well, I walk in the air between the rain
Through myself and back again
Where? I don't know
Maria says she's dying
Through the door, I hear her crying
Why? I don't know
Dear 18 year old Karen,
Happy Birthday. It's a rainy Louisiana spring day, so don't even think about straight hair for the bars tonight. You're pretty. You're dark, and you get a lot of attention for your ass. Booty of Life. Tuck that one away. You dress how ever you feel like. Cut offs, your little moccasin boots, not a huge fan of the bra. You practically never wear make up. I like the fact that you decided a few years ago that the whole reputation thing was just too much work. You've made a few mistakes, but over all, you've had a good time. You now know that penicillin is a great discovery, and you have a way with words. You're failing English, but Mrs. Day is not going to let you. She sees something. You've laughed a lot, and had some adventures. You love hanging out with guys because they're just funnier. Unfortunately, you're about to find out some stuff about Danny that is going to knock you out, and in 5 months when you think it's all over, he dies. I am still so sorry. This is where I wish I could step in. But I can't.
You're just starting to realize that maybe the guys you choose are just you trying to fix Daddy. You will do that some more. It won't work. Actually, I don't know if you will ever stop trying to fix Daddy. You will never get over the boobs that got handed to you, but you're too proud to ever get fake ones. I actually still laugh at you when I remember you showing them to that group at the fair when you were 16. One of my favorite kiss my ass moments....it was on your birthday actually.
I wish I could say that you will be ok. That things will go well. But they don't always. You are very strong for your age, and you have the right amount of rebellion and crazy (Louque) to keep you going. There are people that will love you. That saves you. Some will cry over you. But I am afraid you will cry more. It's ok. Just remember there is no pit so deep that God is not deeper still. Surrender.
My advice to you is just hind sight. I can't change your path. Your journey into religious fanaticism, your choices about college, marriage, everything. I will just tell you to know that there are lights at points in your tunnel. Your wonderful children, good friends... and sister: a big Canadian that has all the things that you like...and then some. I only wish that you could meet him now. But you have some things to do. Senior trip is coming, you have to work at the Superstore tomorrow night, and you have no clue. Have fun. I like you. You will find your way to me with your faith in tact. Nobody has stripped that, and they won't. You get to have 5 kids just like you always said. You become a good mom. Your kids love you and know who to go to when they need to get things done. They know what it means to be loved. Like you. Your heart will be full.
So Happy Birthday. I'm here waiting.
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