I remember when my dear friend Robin was going through her divorce. I call it her divorce because it was that. Something that was hers. I get this. When she was in the midst of the anger part of her grief, I made  a cd for her called "Not Quite Acceptance." It was a rousing compilation of songs that celebrated tearing someone's head off. Andrew helped me with the songs , because no one is as pissed off as a teen age guy. I felt like it would either soothe her or at least validate her strong desire to curb stomp her ex.

As far as the grieving process is concerned, I am pretty sure I am in Anger.(warning: if you don't like sadness, or negative feelings, or lamentations, please notice the "X" at the top right of your screen. click on it.)

I know the stages of grief. Sadness, of course, is the initial, overwhelming one. It can be so encompassing. Like drowning all day. Like walking around with a hole in your chest. Like crying at the McDonald's drive thru when the girl says have a nice day. She didn't even make eye contact.

Then comes Bargaining with God. I've been doing this one for a while. You know, doing all the right things and maybe God would change people, take away my sadness, general goodness toward me since I am trying to be the Karen Version of friggin Mother Thereas. Funny thing about bargaining. It appears that God does not accept my offers. It's not that He doesn't like my good will...I guess He does. I don't
speak for God. But It's not working.

So here I am. Mad. Really angry. I have been lied to, stolen from, manipulated, and diminished. I am so pissed off. And I show it all the time. Not just at the object of the offenses. But at the world. At me. I scream in my pillow. I throw things. I lose it. I hope to get through this one in tact. In the meantime, I might say some things that are not wise. But they are my truth.

Acceptance, anytime you are ready....